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I am I'm caring for my 93 year old mother. She does pretty well. My husband is 80. He falls asleep easily and awakens most of the time dreaming and confused thinking his dreams are real. After talking with me for a bit, he realizes they are not real. Also, I do not like him to drive alone other than around town or short drives, as I am afraid he will fall asleep. He really doesn't agree with me. Am I being over protective or should I be concerned?









































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THanks for your answers. Some of my thoughts too.
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He shouldn’t be driving at all. Are you stating that it’s only his driving alone that concerns you? I don’t believe that having you or anyone else in the car eliminates the problem. He’s still apparently not fit to drive and you shouldn’t subject yourself to a possible accident.
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PATTI67 Jan 2023
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You put this question under the Alzheimers/dementia category so are we to conclude that your 80 y/o husband suffers from dementia? If so, he should not be driving AT ALL under ANY circumstances, and no you are not being 'over protective'. If Dh is also falling asleep too often, he could possibly be suffering from either sleep apnea or Narcolepsy. Has he been tested for sleep apnea? I will say, with both of these issues at play, please hide the car keys from your husband and make SURE he never gets behind the wheel again.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet which has the best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2


From the booklet:

DRIVING
The issue of driving is extremely difficult. Sometimes during testing, a physician will find that the person's spatial skills are such that they need to cease driving immediately. Other times, the family may want to curtail the person from driving because when they sit in the passenger seat while the person with dementia is doing the driving, they find their driving unsafe. One method of gradually ceasing the driving has been found to work well. A lady asked her husband once a week or so if it could be her turn to drive (her license renewal was coming up). She gradually increased the frequency of asking for her turn until she was doing the driving 80% of the time. Then she started to automatically head for the driver's side of the car whenever they walked toward the car, without saying anything. After about six to eight weeks, her husband always went to the passenger side and never again expected to be the driver. This non-confrontational approach is positive, but not always possible.

Please do download that booklet so you can learn a bit more about dementia and what you'll be facing with DHs care in the future.

Best of luck.
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PATTI67 Jan 2023
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Does your husband have a medical diagnosis as to why he falls asleep easily?
Is he on medication that may cause him to be drowsy?
If YES on either one of these his DOCTOR should be the one to tell him he can no longer drive. Or at least until he is off medication (I used that with my Husband and it worked)
He can fall asleep just as easily on a 3 mile trip as a 20 mile trip.
Often dreams seem real when you are still in a relaxed state of mind, it might take a moment to orient yourself to where you are, time of day. Not so bad if you are on the couch watching TV, not so great if you are at Main Street and Maple.
I suppose one of the best ways to answer if you are concerned....
Would you want your husband driving your grandchild to the store for an ice cream? Would your adult child want grandpa to drive their child to the store for an ice cream? Be honest with yourself when you answer that!
Keep in mind that if something happens you may also be responsible if you knowingly allow him to continue to drive.
Allowing him to continue to drive could potentially ruin you financially.
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PATTI67 Jan 2023
He does use a CPAP Machine and has leg cramps often that hinders his sleep. I have not been able to get him to see a doctor about it again to see if he needs something new. He feels he has a CPAP machine.....end of story. Stubborn, but a good man . I am about to start the process of really insisting on a doctor to check him for mental decline or fix other issues.
THanks for advice.
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You should be concerned about your husband, because if he were to fall asleep while driving and kill or injure someone you both would be held liable.
I would make him an appointment with a sleep specialist along with a neurologist as he may be showing signs too of some mental decline. And of course share everything with his primary care physician as well.
Any of these doctors can recommend that he no longer drive, and even report that to the DMV.
You must not only keep him safe, but everyone else on the road too.
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PATTI67 Jan 2023
Thanks for advice.!
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