I don't live in their state. I live five hours away. My aunt's neighbor keeps asking my aunt why she doesn't she consider moving near me or I should consider moving near her. One, I don't want my aunt to move near me. She moved out there years ago, and she wants to stay where she is. Two, I can't move out there, as I have a job. They want me to constantly come down and help, but my aunt doesn't want me helping her. She has an aid there, as well as other nieces and nephews who live 30 minutes away. Honestly, she frustrates me when I want to help her. She gets frustrated with me when I insist on helping her. I just know that I don't want her living near me, and I don't know what everyone wants from me.
Stop trying to fix a problem that is not yours to solve. I’m a people-pleaser and problem solver myself and I recognize what you wrote as a trap I’d have fallen into myself.
”What you’re suggesting is not suitable to either me nor my aunt.” repeated as needed.
I fail to see what your problem here is. You do not even live near your aunt.
Why would you care what your aunt's neighbor thinks or says? You live five hours away. The neighbor is not part of your life.
Also, who are the "they" you keep mentioning? Your family and relatives?
Do they expect you to move near her or move her out with you?
Once again, you're five hours away. Your cousins nearby at 30 minutes away can handle the situation a lot better than you can.
You clearly don't want to be a caregiver, so don't be one. Speak plainly and tell whoever the "they" is that you mention here that you will not be moving or becoming a caregiver.
This being said, you will have to turn over POA to someone else and shoud probably not expect any potential inheritance should there be any.
This is the trade off when you refuse to help with caregiving.
Most people who do refuse usually are better off.
1) NO
2) NEIN
3) NYET
4) NON
5) I will see you in HELL first! Quit calling me!
The Paul Simon song about “Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover” has some good lines, too. My favorite is, “No need to discuss much!”
Hey, I saw Simon perform that song at our jazz festival. One of my favorites!
You'll have to be firm and use a tone of voice and facial expression that shows that you're not to be intimidated.
Been there, done that, and I'm not as nice as I used to be. You can do that too.
Sometimes as long as they know they can push you around, they'll do it. I still have a hard time with refusing to please people, but it's a learning process.
You asked a similar question on June 20th and got 24 responses.
Seems from what you have written here, you frustrate each other. Are you getting calls or being confronted when you visit? Laugh and say "Sorry, thats not happening" She is your Aunt, not ur Mom. She has help and when the time comes she needs more help, she is the one who will need to make that decision if she is of sound mind. If not, then family there can make the decision to have her placed. You live 5 hrs you should not even be part of the equation.
Why do you think everyone expects you to be her caregiver and not the other nieces and nephews? If you and Aunt get on each others nerves, don't visit. Just make a weekly call just to say hi. Believe me, your under no obligation to do that. I have 6 nieces and nephews, 4 are girls. I am 73 and I get no calls from any of them or visits on a regular bases. I cannot imagine feeling that it was up to them to care for me. I do have 2 of my own but do not expect that from them either.
"I don't know what everyone wants from me." You do know, they want you to give up your life and care for your Aunt. A job they do not seem to want. I think that they see Aunt needs more help than she will admit to. For some reason you are the choice. Are you the only one that even visits her? Are u the only one who is single? Are u the only one that can be manipulated? As said "NO" is a one word sentence.
I think its time to step back. Aunt doesn't seem to want your help. Your visits cannot be all that pleasant. If it was me, I would not be giving up my weekends for her. Stop going. You can block those people calling. If you get a call be honest, Aunt does not want help and I am no longer giving up my weekends for her nor am I listening to all your babble about me becoming her caregiver, ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. Thats the only way you going to get them off your back, BE BLUNT. If they call again, tell whoever, I will say this only one more time ITS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN and then hang up.
Once you make your wishes known and ur still getting calls block the calls. Ghost them, they should eventually stop. Part of the problem maybe your not standing up to them.
Say no.
You made it clear that your aunt doesn't want you helping her. I would back off. I would call and check in to see how she is doing periodically. That's it.
In my past life I have resigned from several, easy to do.
Perhaps, there’s still some missing information she hasn’t shared which would explain why she keeps asking for advice.
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