About a month ago my husbands mother kicked his dad out, she is 74 he is 84. Well, needless to say he is now living with us, a whole different state. I can understand where my husband is coming from. Wanting to take his dad in, and myself well, I did not want to dissapoint my husband by saying no, or that we need to think about it. I had to quit my job, and now I babysit Dad allday! (just a bit resentful, I am)He can be verbally abusive. in the past month I have learned how to KEEP A TIGHT JAWED SMILE ON MY FACE! It's tough when my husband gets home, because he has had a chance to breath during the day, as well as have mature adult conversations, that don't include ailments, diabetes, canes, and a shunt in the head, etc. This morning I gave Dad his coffee, and asked him to sit and drink it, and that I needed to run downstairs for a min. and would be right back, I never got down the stairs and he got up with a full cup of coffee and dumped it onto my white carpet. (We had installed less than 3 mo. ago) I bit my tounge, and said Dad it's ok it was an accident. I WAS SCREAMING INSIDE! Everytime my husband is not here dad say's to me, oh that son of mine is one good son letting me live in HIS HOME, and how my husband takes such good care of him. My husband told his dad (at my not so nice request)that I take very good care of him as well, and that this is our home. I'm sitting in the living room typing this, Dad see's I am busy and he say's to me in a loud voice, "woman, can I get some nut's over here" I chuckled to myself, thinking I'm going to be in a nut house if this keeps up!
It was amusing reading your comment to your father in law about the coffee and saying it was all right while SCREAMING INSIDE. This is something I've felt many times. And the tight-jawed smile on your face, hahaha, at least I know I'm not alone!!!! Caregiving is a challenge, yes, indeed. MLC
I found three sites you might want to check out: www.seniorhelpers.com, www.ElderCareLink.com, and www.americangeriatrics.org. I checked them out and they are great, however, I don't know how much they cost. I am in need of this very thing. Someone I can trust to be home with my husband at a very very low price! And I don't know about you, but, I sure didn't come prepared for some of these very high costs. Anyway, I hope this will help. Don't be blown away, go ahead and investigate these sites. Sometimes there are pieces of information here and there that will help.
On the right side of this site is a section (orange) named Caregivers Connection. Under it is a post called: Opening Lines of Communication about Care Needs. Click on it and read it, run on down where it talks about Geriatric stuff. That sounds very interesting! It might help. I am not sure, but I think these questions come from the community. Good luck! Keep me posted.
Yes, by all means you have every right to be concerned about your mother-in-law! No matter what anyone else thinks, you are working? How old is she and who diagnosed her with alz? And when? Have you checked out the rest of this site? Under Finance in the Community are other boards that just might shed some more light on your avenues to care for her while you are gone. I now have providers along with home health care, and I have sitters who will sit with him while I go get food, medicine, or gas. I am not working. Still employed, but off for now. Look under medicare and if you don't qualify for that, look under medicaid. Sorry, I don't know a whole lot yet. Check out the rest of this site and the questions to the far right either on the home page or Community page. Hope this helps.
Thank you for your helpful comment. My father in law is unable to do small tasks as you suggested. He shakes, so bad from side effects from meds he has to take. I have been taking him downstairs with me into my huge craft area, and I tossed him a white canvas, and some paintbrushes, as well as bottles of paint. (washable, lol he don't know) Anyway, the first time he lasted about 10 min. The next day, about another 10 min. The third day, he says to me, "woman", I'm not going to paint today!! It's for kids, thats B.S. you making me paint. Well, well, well I stood up to him and I said, okay dad if that is what you want, then you do not have to paint today, but I was hoping you would because it allows you and I time to get to know eachother, and to just chat about nothing listen to music, not to mention I enjoy spending time with you. Okay, so then he say's well, woman I don't like talking to you or spending time with you, but if your going to make me paint then I guess I have to. Oh, lord I was laughing so hard. I thought oh he does like me! Anyway, he now spends 3 to 4 hrs. downstairs painting, even if I am not there with him. He bought himself 12 large canvas' and man can he paint! I took 2 of them to the frame shop today, and will surprise him with frames. He even signs his paintings with a really weird signature, none of which has to do with bis real name. I secrectly told my husband he needs to sign them, awnry old cuss! Husband laughed, and agreed. P.S. lordy help me he found my oil paints today. Thank God it's a craft room and the floor is solid CONCRETE! YES, I WIN. lol
Thank you again for your input Fancicoffee, and sharing abit about your husband.