Father (90) with severe pneumonia almost died a week ago, and now he's very weak and confused. What to realistically expect?

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Father (90) with severe pneumonia almost died a week ago, and now he's very weak and confused. What to realistically expect?

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10 days ago my father was admitted to the hospital where after a couple of days his health deteriorated dramatically. Despite strict Covid rules Brother and I were called by the staff to say goodbye to our father. He was already far away, open eyes, not even noticing us for the hours we spent at his bedside, his breath just a rattle.
By noon the next day he regained conscience and clarity, the fever was down, and he was re-admitted from the dying room to a normal ward. Because of Covid restrictions we have not been allowed to see him anymore since he got better.

From talking to him on the phone we realize that he changed a lot, does not want to eat, is very weak, his mind and speech confused. This has been going on for a week now. Can we expect him to get better? Or do we still - one week later - need to be prepared for him to die? Sorry if that sounds very naive, but neither of us has any experience with death and reading the signs.

I have felt so angry towards my Dad and his stubbornness for the last few years but now the thought of never seeing him again is hard to bear.

End of Life Pneumonia

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The worst is my own ambivalence. After 3 years of caring for both of my dysfunctional parents I desperately want all of this to come to an end, but on the other hand I do not want them to die --- and I know that these two things are not compatible.
I am in limbo, @AlvaDeer, on many levels. Feeling sad and guilty and hopeful at he same time. IF my dad should make it out of hospital alive it would be time for a NH (for both of them). And it would be a relief and break my heart at the same time. Does that sound stupid?
Thank you all - this site is a godsend!

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My father, age 93, also developed double pneumonia right around the holidays. He spent 3 days in the hospital and his lungs recovered pretty quickly. However, he has not been himself since then. He has gotten so weak that he can not walk with his walker anymore, lost his appetite, and stopped talking almost completely. His doctor said it is very common in the elderly to go down hill from a hospitalization. It's been 6 weeks and I don't see any improvement. I'm not sure if he's dying but I have called hospice in to help make him comfortable. I wish you and your dad well.

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Obviously, we don't want to believe that our parents are mortal. The probability of dying increases by the day once we pass the average life expectancy. Your father is 90, way above his life expectancy. It doesn't have to be a disease to kill him. His vital organs (kidneys, heart, liver, lungs, etc.) are worn out ready to give up at any time. Many times, an infection, like pneumonia will give the last push.

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I always tell people that each patient is as individual as his own thumbprint, and that is the truth. Hospitalizations for acute problems cause acute problems with mentation of ALL ages and especially for the elderly. It takes them longer to recover and they almost always need a good month in rehab to both get back on their feet and back to activities of daily living. I am so dreadfully sorry for the limbo you are in now, but that is right smack what you are in the middle of. At this point it is touch and go whether the recovery will continue, and whether it will be complete, or whether there will be back steps or not.
You will know a lot more in a month. Unfortunately there is nothing to do but allow for that time.
Covid-19 rules for hospitalizations are made so much more dreadful for everyone. It is so difficult not to be right there. But the awful--the sad--truth is that being there is disturbing and without answers as well.
I hope you'll update us. I wish for his full recovery.

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Thank you, 97yroldmom and Beatty, for your helpful advice.
I know that it is not about if, but when.... Still hard to accept, especially since we are not allowed to visit him.

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Watch & wait. I think I would be both hopeful, but realistic.
Kind thoughts to you.

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At 90 your dad could make a full recovery and die of something completely unrelated soon thereafter. Or you could pass before him. It’s all a fine balance.

I have an uncle, 87, who was hospitalized twice with the COVID. He spends most of his time in bed but goes out to a senior center every day for lunch. Its been almost two years since he was in the hospital.

It takes a long time for a senior to recover and obviously your dad was/is very ill. The fact that he has been moved to the normal ward is encouraging. Healthier/younger people are often confused in the hospital.

As prepared as we think we are to say goodbye it does come as a shock when our parent dies. I hope you get to visit with him soon.

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Father (90) with severe pneumonia almost died a week ago, and now he's very weak and confused. What to realistically expect?

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