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Hi


using a fake name on my profile as person in question goes online.


My nan is currently 81 and has 2 children, my mother and her son. My mum is already dealing with health issues of her own yet her son is always causing trouble, in and out of prison yet she constantly favours him over me and my mother.


I know a mother should love 2 kids the same but every time she calls it’s my son this and my son that, no interest in us hardly, like he’s a golden child and can do no wrong, she’s so obsessed with her son she’s really spiteful towards me and both my parents. My dad who is 58 recently had a heart attack and trying to get healthier and loosing weight and instead of giving encouragement even when he looses weight, she goes on about her son about how fast HE lost weight and now well he’s done. Like no one gives a sh*t and it isn’t about him all the time.


It's causing genuine upset that it seems she only calls to brag about how well her son has done. I got mad at her today while on a walk because she was at it with me and told her you do nothing but kiss his backside even though he caused you to be in misery, yet me and mum run around after you and show no interest in us, you could see she didn’t like it. She also hates being told she’s in the wrong and think she’s a know it all too.


You also can’t tell her anything because she can’t wait to run to her son and gossip, she’s told him very private things such as financial issues, health issues which has caused embarrassment and when you confront her she claims she’s done nothing wrong. Blabbing and breaking trust is doing something wrong.


How do I deal with such toxic behaviour? Do we just cut her off and get on with our lives? She doesn’t have dementia and lives independently with my grandad and to be honest he just follows her around like a puppy and agrees with everything she says. She’s 81 and grandad is 86.


Thanks

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I personally have NOTHING whatsoever to do with toxic people. I could care less whether they are related to me or not. My suggestion is let her alone. Let her praise him to the winds, go on with your life and meet people who are decent and have something to give back. She won't change. She's a waste of time.
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Your grandmother isn’t likely to change, her behaviors and choices are well established. Spending your energies trying to make her be different or arguing with her are a waste of your time. If she prefers her son, so be it. The question becomes why are you sticking around for upset, to be gossiped about, and toxic behavior? She can only treat you that way if you allow it. I’ve stopped being around toxic people and life is much better for it
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Hi! I’m wondering about a couple of things. First, how old are you? As a young adult, you start to look at older adults in a different way, and notice more about their shortcomings. Is your nan really spiteful, or is it just that she talks to your side of the family about her son – and to her son about you. Perhaps she doesn’t have much else in her life. At 81, it would be good for all of you if you and your parents could steer her towards other activities and people. You really don’t want to end up with your lives getting closer and closer to someone who is becoming more and more toxic.

Second, what do your parents think about this? Are they as fed up as you are? Perhaps they cope better about ignoring it, and although it isn’t bothering them, a lot of your own anger is because they aren’t treated better. Before you go into battle with nan, it would be good to talk to them. If they agree to do something about it, work out a joint approach. If you don’t, it will probably make things worse all round.

Perhaps you can get back to us with a strategy, and more posters can try and help with ideas. Steering clear of your drop-kick uncle sounds like a very good idea, for starters.
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She’s been favouring him for quiet a while if I’m totally honest. My uncle is very, very full of himself and I don’t talk to him unless I really have to, he’s done stuff in the past that’s unforgivable.

I’m disabled myself, and he and her thinks it’s ok to tell my mother how to care for me lol

yeah I told her off but she’ll keep doing it
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Um.

Favouritism isn't *exactly* causing arguments, is it? It's caused ONE incident where you gave your grandmother a piece of your mind, and she didn't take it too kindly.

When, by the way?

You never know. She may have been annoyed, but that doesn't mean she didn't hear you.

I don't know many people who are gracious about being told they're wrong.

Independently of your grandmother's behaviour, what do you think of your uncle as a person? Do you have much to do with him? He sounds a bit of a loser, just going on what you've said.
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