Fear of getting in the shower, any suggestions?

I know you said her fear is logical. It could seem to be but it is also extremely common for dementia patients to refuse to bathe. At 89, without any cognitive impairment she is at risk. In the short term, get her a shower chair to sit on. And a hand held shower head with a long hose which we easily got on amazon. I took that option so I did not have to shop at stores. She still could easily fall getting out especially when everything is wet. You can hire an aid for a bath visit as often as she wants one. It will be out of pocket and not covered by Medicare. Exploring a walk in tub is a good idea if she intends to remain in her home. But she still will benefit from a bath attendant and a shower chair.

I am only 68 with Grab bars in my tub and I’m still very wary. I would suggest a shower chair or if you can afford it, install a bench you can fold. You can get shower chairs at Walmart and if Dr. recommended to Physical Therapy’s or occupational therapist you can get them for low cost from a medical supply company. Also consider contacting local home care companies for a CNA or trained care giver to come two to three days a week to assist your Mom with hygiene.

Does she have a shower chair to sit on? They don’t have the energy to stand for that long. Get a sturdy seat, preferably with arms. Look on amazon and read reviews or go to a medical supply place and sit it one for yourself if they have a model out. Make sure that you have a removable shower head. Here’s a tip that I learned from my mom. Leave it unhung rather than for her to reach up to remove it off of the thing that the shower head is connected to. Just allow it to hang.

Also, the grab bars are slippery is hands are wet. My mom likes wash dry cloths handy to grab the bar with when exiting the shower.

If that doesn’t work then you may need to call Council on Aging to have an assessment done. They contract out with a caregiver company and will send someone out a couple of times a month for four hour shifts. That is what we had anyway. You could hire someone for the alternate weeks.

They will help bathe, tidy up her room, prepare a light meal, sit with her as a companion to play cards, put a puzzle together, etc.

Best wishes to you and your mom.

This is what I could find for services in Broward County, which I gather is your local area?

Elder Helpline
Accesses a qualified Information and Referral specialist who can provide information about services available for elders and their caregivers within the local community 
954-745-9779

They should be able to advise you on finding support with personal care for your mother.

I understand you EMFLA as I found my Late Mother petrified of taking a shower, tho She used to take a good long hot bath six nights every week
before bed time. I too felt the same as You as I did not feel it would be fair of me to invade Mom's dignity so I asked a retired Nurse to call for three, four hours one day every week, and She did which worked handsomely. Mother had an en-suite bathroom off Her ground floor bedroom. I fitted a folding shower chair onto the shower wall for Mom, so She could sit while being showered. Hand rails galore, and lots of towels so Your Mom does not slip when coming out of the shower, also place a towel upon the toilet seat so Your Mom can sit while being dried. The refusal of Our Elders not wishing to shower stems from the fear of falling. You are a good Son to Your Dear Mother and We wish the very best for You Both.

Taking out the tub and installing a walk-in shower isn't that expensive. The expenses add up if you are choosing expensive materials. Just basic materials are quite affordable, especially if you shop a place that sells "seconds", or get something on clearance. The biggest cost will be labor, unless someone in the family can do it. Usually getting a contractor quote is free. Materials can even be bought online. Wayfair has extensive tile options that are very affordable. Good luck!

Use no rinse products:  no rinse shampoo and no rinse soap.  Complete disrobing isn't required; she can clean up sitting down in a chair, just moving around a bit to get access to personal areas.       

Hospitals, rehab and care facilities use them.  Walgreen's carries them; I suspect other drug stores on that level do as well.   One of the local grocery stores has a varied selection.

Just be careful and buy the ones that are liquids and not sprays.

She might like a transfer bench so that stepping in and out isn't an issue, and perhaps hire someone to come in and help her once a week.