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Mom is 88, has mobility issues, and lives with us in our old Victorian- only a very small half bath on the first floor where she stays. The dining room is her bedroom, and she had a bedside commode for nighttime. For the past year or so we’ve had “code browns,” increasing in frequency, to about one a week or so. They always happen in the bathroom, which is TINY, and the e both can’t fit in there. It necessitates cleaning her a bit, getting her to the commode, cleaning her up, then cleaning the bathroom, and usually the carpet between the bathroom and the dining room. I clean her up but it’s really difficult- she’s obese, can’t move much, and is really not pleasant to deal with. Nonetheless, I am happy to do it. However, I work from home 3 days a week, but two days a week I’m in the office, a half hour away. I’m PETRIFIED she’ll have one of these situations when I’m at work, and she’s stuck on the toilet. She’s resistant about speaking with the doctor, but is there anything we can do? She always wears Depends, as she’s also urine incontinent. Is there a medication? What do you do to cope? I’m trapped.

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Bowel incontinence is reportedly a major reason for facility placement; most of us mere mortals have neither the skills nor the fortitude to do these cleanups.

Is your mom "managing" her own medications? We found that my mom was taking both laxatives and immodium and her whole system was terribly messed up. She ended up in the hospital and they got it sorted.

You talk to the doctor if she won't.
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Beatty Sep 2022
"You talk to the doctor if she won't."

I did just that.

I reasoned that if I was involved in clean up, I could bring the topic to the Doctor's attention.

It may be Mom's business - but is now OP's business too!
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If the half bath is so small and she’s so obese, how will an aide be able to do what she needs to do? Fecal matter is a very unsanitary issue, especially if exploded all over. It might be difficult to find an aide who can cope. Mom definitely belongs in a care facility now.
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BurntCaregiver Sep 2022
It is hard to find an aide that will cope with this and not quit after day one of being on the job.
I've had the small bathroom issue on my last position. The client was incontinent and did not go upstairs anymore. She stayed downstairs and there was a little half-bath. There's no way to clean someone up in an area that small. You cannot clean a person up on a portable bedside commode either when there's a real mess and she had serious mobility and balance issues.
She was incontinent anyway and would just start going. No one was available who would hold her steady on a toilet and hope for the best. I always refused to hold a client upright on the toilet. At that point they need to be diapers.
So, I put my client in diapers. She was against it but it was the only way. There was no choice for her. It was diapers or placement. The clean-up was easy enough because she had a hospital bed in the living room that I could clean her up on.
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In another post from four years ago you didn't sound too happy with having your mother live with you.

Isn't it time to consider placing her in a facility? Just because you're her only family left doesn't mean you have to give up your life for her.
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Can you hire a home/health aide to be with her two days a week when you're at work? Also, take the carpet up between the bathroom and the dining room. It's not worth it to try and keep the area carpeted. Take it up.
For urinary incontinence I found that lining and adult diper with a trimmed down baby diaper (like Pampers, Huggies, etc...) was like a miracle. It stays dry and there is no leaks. Even overnight.
If she's incontinent there's not a whole lot that can be done for that except to try to prevent skin breadown and protect your furniture and rugs.
I was in homecare for a long time. Incontinence is always one of the main reasons why a family places an elder in managed care. It's something to consider.
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It sounds like the bathroom/living situation in your home is not ideal for an elder with incontinence issues to be living in, first off. She needs a bedroom with a full bathroom where she can use the toilet and be cleaned properly, where there's no carpet or dining room, and where a bidet seat can be installed for easy clean up after a BM, and where 2 people can fit inside to accomplish said clean up. I don't understand how you're 'happy to do it' with an obese person who's pretty much immobile and leaving you in such a situation where you're forced to clean up messes like this that are happening more often!

Being 'resistant' to speaking with her doctor is not acceptable; if she wants to continue living with you and having you dealing with such a situation, then it's up to her TO speak to the doctor about getting this matter dealt with. And perhaps losing some weight with a controlled diet which you can enforce by not bringing junk food into the house or serving her high calorie meals. If she loses weight, she'll have an easier time moving around at least, making it easier on you to help her. I don't know that the 'fecal incontinence' issue will resolve, but it might, especially if she's eating less and dealing with less fecal volume may boil down to less blow outs. A simpler, blander diet may also calm her GI tract down leading to less explosive BM incidents, that is what sounds reasonable to me.

If I were you, I'd look into Assisted Living for your mother or at least in home caregivers to look after her while you're at work outside of the home. It's entirely possible she CAN get stuck on the toilet with you gone and then what? If she has no access to a cell phone to call 911, she'd have to wait for you to get home and help her up. I wonder why, however, she'd be stuck on the toilet? Is she unable to get up from it alone, by herself?? All in all, you've got a pretty unmanageable situation going on in your old Victorian home with your mother right now! It's not set up properly and she'd be better off in managed care with a team of people caring for her. You're not really 'trapped'.......there are alternatives you should explore for her care outside of your home. In order to cope with this situation in the meantime, I'd speak to her doctor, get her on a bland, low calorie diet regimen, and look into hiring (on her dime) in home caregivers to stay with her while you're at work. She's probably a fall risk too, I'm sure (if she's unable to get herself up from the toilet), which is another reason why leaving her alone isn't a good idea. As far as 'medication' is concerned, aside from a binding drug like Immodium to stop diarrhea, I don't know what she could be given to stop 'code browns' because I'm not even sure what they are!

Best of luck to you finding a workable solution to this entire situation.
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Your happy to clean up feces? I wouldn't be.
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Beatty Sep 2022
Well maybe the OP is not *happy*.. like happy as a lamb in spring... but more like I am happier to do this than give supps or ememas..?
🐑😜
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Is there a way to create some more space in the half bath? We removed the vanity and replaced it with a small corner sink and turned to toliet slightly to create more reach around room for a relative that needed to use a half bath when recovering from a broken foot. There are bidet seats available now that work for some. There's even a portable shower that can be put up outside a half bath for a limited time.

If possible, I would suggest removing the vanity (and replacing with corner sink), replacing the toliet with a higher seat elongated model with a bidet seat with heated water. It may make just enough room to be able to clean your mom easier. You might want to use a narrow bookcase outside the bath to store towels and other supplies.

You may want to keep a food and medication diary to see if any foods and medicines are associated with the problems; sometimes a combination or the timing of when a medicine is taken together with a food consumed just before or after can cause issues.
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FivePeppers Sep 2022
Yes useful ideas.
An ALF is not the only solution.
A shower is needed in bathroom. If not, maybe the bidet would help. Also washable surfaces around bed, placed nearer to bath entry.
Diet research also. Good luck!
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We have had others here questioning the same challenge.

They found that getting mom on a daily probiotic cleared the issue up. So that would be my 1st step. They used kombucha drink but, you can use a pill or fermented food.

We eat kimchi, fresh sauerkraut, use apple cider vinegar, fresh refridgerated miso soup and take a daily pill, obviously, not all everyday, just options to keep things interesting for the palate.

I would have her start using the bedside commode for BMs. You can clean that so much easier then a trailing mess.

Keep some water and some of the toilet chemicals used for RV toilets in the commode, this will keep the odor under control. They are expensive but, you only use a tiny bit.
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Can you put a camera or speaking device in bathroom so you know if there's a problem. Others have found these helpful; I don't know much about them. But someone here can. Can you get someone in to help her during those working hours? One of the pet clean up agents, like Nature's Miracle, sprays that can help clean up the mess and the smell. Keep plastic bags, gloves, paper towels and/or use toilet paper in or near the bathroom. Do discuss her diet with the doctor. You can call and discuss the problem with his assistants. He cannot discuss her, but you can speak to him privately or through his assistants. I do wonder how she can be having such problems without you having some legal ability to discuss and help with others involved. If you can consider a placement do so, if you need advice contact your agency on aging.
Good luck old age and the life of one's caretakers is not easy.
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I put 2 diapers the 2nd backwards for total coverage at all times then assist when they need to go to bathroom. If two cant fit then clean up at bed wear your mask &have all supplies necessary by the bed wipes etc & box of trash bags & tie when done after every #2. Protect bed w disposable chucks. Its better than hurting your back....
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Cover999 Sep 2022
That's a lot of work.
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