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" My husband has had it. We talk about her EVERYDAY. EVERY.DARN.DAY. He sometimes avoids me now." Your mother is only going to get more needy (I know; I have a 90 y/o mother myself who lives alone.)

Do you have any siblings?
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It will be hard but for your sanity and marriage you have to set some boundaries. You have tried to find alternates for your mom, but why should she even try to accept that when she knows she can guilt you into doing it all? Mom keeps pushing your button but you don't have to keep jumping or allowing her to control your every thought. When she complains of loneliness you reply "Well you know what I feel you need to do about that, I don't want to hear it". When she needs a prescription have the pharmacy deliver it. Don't tell her when you are going out so she can't sabotage it. Call and visit on a schedule, not whenever she thinks she needs something. And find somewhere else to vent about her and spare your husband, come here or find a support group or your own therapist. You might want to read on the web or here on AC about narcissistic mothers.
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