I am from Austin, TX. Right in the middle of the pandemic, my life came to a complete meltdown. My mom was living with my family, and two years into it, her dementia got seriously worst; the two years that followed were the most painful years of my life. My husband could not deal with the situation; I couldn't find a secured memory care unit to accept her because they were all in lockdown. I had to get her approved for Medicaid because she didn't have the means to pay for a private memory care institution. Meanwhile, going through the grieving process of losing my mother, shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I felt like a ticking bomb!

Finally, I was able to find her place on a lockdown memory care unit, and she has been there for 1 1/2 years; she has not been as docile as the other residents, so earlier in the first year, she got in trouble because she was going into another residents room. She was getting hit, and administrative personnel contacted me and said that if things did change, she would have to leave the institution for her safety. I expressed to them how difficult it was to find a place to accept her, and they said that; "that was not their problem."

When I went to see her this week, she had very unusual bruising in both her arms, and when I looked closely, I realized that she had been tied up because she has been aggressive and hard to deal with; I feel that the institution will ask me to look for another place to bring her. I reported the incident, even though I knew it could get her kicked out.

Knowing how hard it was the first time around and that there are not many lockdown memory care facilities in my area. It is terrifying...

Any suggestions or ideas?

Thank you,

Find Care & Housing
Restraints are against the law unless a doctor writes a prescription and someone sits with her. I am not sure why, when mom became a danger to herself and others that somene did not call you to get your approval to go to the ER for a psychiatric eval. If they cannot control her then she has to go get psychiatric help. So it is no wonder that they want to evict her. She needs more help and medications to calm her.
As I see it , you are both doing harm
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Reply to MACinCT

I so hope you took good pictures. AL and MCs are State regulated. Any type of care facility is. They have to be licensed. People suffering from Dementia entering others rooms is normal. The one IMO who should be medicated or thrown out is the resident who hit her. Calling the Ombudsman or even APS will probably mean Mom will have to leave but this facility needs to be aware they are being watched. I would take those pictures to the police and ask if it looks like restraints to them. Not that this is illegal but the elders skin is very thin an tears easily. Hard to bandage too.
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Reply to JoAnn29

Sorry for this horrible situation. I think she should be on something to calm her anxiety down. I'm surprised they did not suggest such a thing instead of threatening to throw her out. Not very good problem solving skills on their part.

Call her doctor tomorrow about anti-anxiety meds. And start looking for a better place for her. I agree that it can be further away if needed. Is she's safer, that's a bonus.

Best of luck.
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Reply to againx100

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Reply to ElizabethY

That's a very serious accusation you're making, that your mom was tied up in this Memory Care facility due to her aggressive behavior. If that's true, I'd raise the ROOF and demand she leave the place immediately! There are medications available to calm an agitated elder down who's suffering from dementia. This facility has a bad attitude to begin with by telling you that your mom's behavior is not 'their problem' b/c they could easily have referred you to a geriatric psychiatrist or someone similar to help calm down her agitation, which is what 'aggression' is: agitation in someone with dementia; certainly nothing new or unusual in the world of dementia! You certainly, I'm sure, DO NOT want your mother to continue residing in such a place where physical restraints are used on her to 'keep her in line' rather than medical means such as mild calming meds like Ativan.

If this were my mother, I'd get her out of there right away and to a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation. That can happen in the ER if she's transported there for erratic behavior or what you suspect to be a UTI or some other organic issue. Once she's stabilized, then you can get help from the social worker to find alternative placement for her in another Memory Care facility, even if it's further away than your immediate area. As long as she's kept safe and not subjected to harsh means to keep her in line, that's all you are looking for.

I'd also report this facility to every agency on earth who can get them shut down permanently for using restraints on their residents, if you're absolutely certain they are using such means.

Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
AlvaDeer Jan 30, 2023
I so agree. Restraining people in this manner is against the law. While ALF and MCs are often not as regulated as nursing homes, this is basically an assault on a senior. And with the prices they now charge, what in the world is a memory care doing this poorly staffed. Something is wrong here.
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