I am from Austin, TX. Right in the middle of the pandemic, my life came to a complete meltdown. My mom was living with my family, and two years into it, her dementia got seriously worst; the two years that followed were the most painful years of my life. My husband could not deal with the situation; I couldn't find a secured memory care unit to accept her because they were all in lockdown. I had to get her approved for Medicaid because she didn't have the means to pay for a private memory care institution. Meanwhile, going through the grieving process of losing my mother, shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I felt like a ticking bomb!
Finally, I was able to find her place on a lockdown memory care unit, and she has been there for 1 1/2 years; she has not been as docile as the other residents, so earlier in the first year, she got in trouble because she was going into another residents room. She was getting hit, and administrative personnel contacted me and said that if things did change, she would have to leave the institution for her safety. I expressed to them how difficult it was to find a place to accept her, and they said that; "that was not their problem."
When I went to see her this week, she had very unusual bruising in both her arms, and when I looked closely, I realized that she had been tied up because she has been aggressive and hard to deal with; I feel that the institution will ask me to look for another place to bring her. I reported the incident, even though I knew it could get her kicked out.
Knowing how hard it was the first time around and that there are not many lockdown memory care facilities in my area. It is terrifying...
Any suggestions or ideas?
As I see it , you are both doing harm
Call her doctor tomorrow about anti-anxiety meds. And start looking for a better place for her. I agree that it can be further away if needed. Is she's safer, that's a bonus.
Best of luck.
If this were my mother, I'd get her out of there right away and to a geriatric psychiatrist for an evaluation. That can happen in the ER if she's transported there for erratic behavior or what you suspect to be a UTI or some other organic issue. Once she's stabilized, then you can get help from the social worker to find alternative placement for her in another Memory Care facility, even if it's further away than your immediate area. As long as she's kept safe and not subjected to harsh means to keep her in line, that's all you are looking for.
I'd also report this facility to every agency on earth who can get them shut down permanently for using restraints on their residents, if you're absolutely certain they are using such means.
Best of luck.