Feeling guilty because my husband of 4 years needs to move his mother in to our home. Is this normal?

You got great advice not to go through with it. *If* you do, boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. The voice of experience says it is easier to clamp down with what you allow in your house because you can always ease up later. Much harder to change after she has lived with you for a while.

Uh oh..........I just had another thought: you say she has 'other unusual behaviors and tendencies' which sounds like DEMENTIA to me! When you combine dementia-like behaviors with anxiety/OCD behaviors like Hoarding, what you wind up with is a gigantic MESS on your hands!! PLEASE please PLEASE think very very carefully before agreeing to move this woman into your home!!! These kinds of behaviors are nearly impossible to live with, trust me, I know. I'd hate to see your life and your marriage destroyed over this!!!

I myself would not be up to caring for anyone in my home. That includes my wonderful, spectacular, good brother who has ALWAYS been there for me all my life. I honestly am not capable of it. I would like to plead age, at 77, but the honest truth is--and all my family members were so good--I would never have been capable of this. You can feel as "guilty" as you like about wanting to have a life; but please don't kid yourself that guilt will make you capable of this sacrifice and this dreadfully difficult work. The sad truth is that most of this falls to the woman. I know, I know--but it DOES.
I would sit down with my DH and I would explain that he may or may not have picked the wrong woman, but he did pick one who is not capable of this. And that is with the issues BESIDE the point.
I don't know the mother's age, mental or physical condition, or the condition she currently maintains in the sister's house. At the VERY LEAST you should be able to go there and discuss frankly with the Sister what the Mom's habits and needs are.
My vote goes to placement. I can be as sorry and as guilty and as woebegone as I like about my limitations, but they ARE my limitations, and I know what they are. I wish I were a better person. Maybe next life.

Taking an aging parent into your home is rarely a good idea, in my opinion. You have no idea what you're signing up for, and neither does your DH of 4 years! What are her issues, besides hoarding? I had a hip replacement 3 years ago and was back to work in 3 weeks. If possible, get her into either an independent living apartment or an assisted living community where she can be cared for, depending on her needs. The idea that she 'must' live with a child is unwarranted these days, especially with a newlywed child such as you and DH. Your entire lifestyle will be hugely interrupted and disrupted by an intruder, and one that will likely require a herculean effort on YOUR part. 90% of the care giving burden normally falls on the woman, so if I were you, I'd get ALL of this straightened out BEFORE she steps ONE foot into your house. Because once she's IN, it will take an act of God to get her OUT.

Best of luck!!

From your profile...I would say don't do this. It looks like you have a great life and she will put a big clog in it. Does she have money? If so, find a nice AL near by.

If it ends up you need to take her in, set boundries. Your house, your rules. Bring nothing with her that can't be kept in the closet in her room. Let the sister get rid of what is not needed. I have a great thrift shop near by I take everything to. The proceeds go to a Church run school for scholarships for the students. Not that there cannot be compromises, but in the end it is your house. You need to sit down with husband and discuss everything before she moves in. He has to be strong and not allow Mom to take over. He needs to realize that you r his wife and ur needs come first. There maybe times you want to be alone at ur vacation house, need to set up someone to stay with MIL. She needs to understand that there will be times she will not be included. You are a married couple and need time to yourself.

Oh my--you are new to this site.

CM is right--this is not a decision to make lightly. Spend an hour or twenty on this board reading about the epic fails and trials of bringing parents in to live with us...it is RARELY a good idea--unless the relationship between you and your parents is pretty perfect. Living 2 hrs away--you don't have a clue what a day in the life of a CG is about.

You have nothing to fell guilty about. That feeling is the universe screaming at you to STOP and think this through.

Is DH planning to 'let' you be the primary CG? I found my DH just ASSUMING I'd be beyond thrilled to FT care give for his sick dad. Uh, no.

It can work, I don't want to totally scare you off. But it takes a LOT of patience, time, work and loss of personal space.

Deep breaths--do not plan anything until you have seen firsthand what is available for mom. IF she is a hoarder, BTW, that is a whole different level of awful.

I think those sound effects you can hear are the thousands of people on the forum all choking on their coffee at once, reading your thread.

I'm very sorry that your MIL and your SIL find themselves in these difficulties. Your husband's instant solution, while I'm sure intended to be loving and helpful, seems rushed and ill-advised. How much time have you and he had to think this through?

Be assured that you are not wrong to feel anxious: this is a major decision that needs careful thought, and can't just be presented to you as a fait accompli.

Four years is plenty of time for a hip to heal; so what other care needs does your MIL have?