Hub and I are finally going out of town tomorrow for the 1st time since my mom moved in... 1.5 yrs ago. She will have my friend here with her while we are gone. Today she isolated in her room and has asked 3x when I'm leaving and didn't take her meds before bed. It's almost like she's throwing a temper tantrum but in silence. I feel guilty. It's definitely diminishing the excitement I felt when we planned this trip. As usual I feel manipulated as I have my whole life. Why is she so selfish? She usually stays in her room all day without interacting with me. I feel I always need to entertain her.
Signed,
Discouraged & Tired of feeling this way
From your profile: "Oldest of 4. Married. Empty nester. Caregiver of mother. Husband and mother don't get along. Negative, depressed, doesn't speak 87yo mother lives with us."
Maybe it's time for one of your sibs to take in Mama? How did you become the chosen one? Since your H and Mama don't get along, your marriage must be suffering?
Yes, it is difficult but keep in mind you have a right to your own life with your husband, IMO he and any children should be your priority.
You have covered the bases for her care while you are gone, don't let your guilt ruin your vacation, she is not doing this to you, you are doing this to you.
Perhaps on return a little counseling might be of help to you to break this cycle.
Enjoy your vaca, it is much deserved.
(((hugs))) I know it's hard. Sometimes you feel like you can't even take one moment for yourself but you have to. I tried to be selfless and it only lead to resentment and guilt. We need to find balance. You matter too.
Your mom is fortunate that you've even allowed her to move in. Most adult children wouldn't even consider it. Your mom has to respect your needs too. If it gets to be too much it might be time to look at other options.
I know this hurts because you are used to her emotionally manipulating you. I'm truly sorry she has made you feel this way, but please know she is in the wrong, not you!
YOU are human! You are your own person! You deserve a break, you deserve happiness, you deserve some time with your husband, and your husband deserves time with you! Please dont let your Mom ruin this vacation for you. You do all you can and then some for her, if she cannot accept this, then that is on her, not you.
You are doing your best to make sure she is not being abandoned during your vacation. She will be fine. Please have fun and remember, you deserve to be happy!! ❤❤❤
Why is that?
What other living situations have you looked into for her?
That aside, go on your outing.
So, she gets upset. So what?