I've been caring for mom for almost 5 years. Recently relocated thinking it would help to ease the caregiving burden in the form of caregivers, respite, the like. It worked for a little bit. I found work outside home, my other half wasn't working during this time so he took on the caregiving. He started working. I had to quit my job and haven't been able to find an agency in 6 weeks of phone calls, email and the like to help or take mom.
Medicaid unacceptable at most places. My car broke down, my landlord keeps trying to evict me because the rent is late. I dealt with the other half not working becuase of the help I was getting with mom. Late, overdue bills, sometimes limited food other than moms. I have an 8 year old son, my 18 year old basically escaped and went across the country with her new boyfriend. I dont know what else to do. I want to step out on faith and move to Texas but I have no car. and its hell hot there. I found a place for mom there so I think I may try it. He keeps saying oh you've changed, you're not happy, blah blah. He's been helpful, just not financially. Thats my fault. I was scared to do this alone so I put up with entirely too much. But thats over now. I have done all the legwork I can to help fix this situation but nothing seems to be working. Everytime I get one problem solved it seems 6 more pop up. He keeps saying be positive, don't be negative, it will all work out. While everything crumbles around us. I'm tired and I just don't want to do this anymore...Any advice or suggestions are most welcome at this point.
I have a hubby that always touts the positive side of everything too. It get's irritating when it seems like they don't see the whole situation and don't seem to want to take charge to repair it. Instead of being negative, I try to write out plans (Plan A, plan B, etc.) as to how I'll handle this negative situation. That distracts me from my negative feelings. I also need a few alone moments (no more) for a "pity party". After I've stroked my sad feelings, I get to work on how to fix it.
Even though it doesn't seem like it, you will live through this rough time, find a place for your Mom and both get jobs to have enough to live on. Being realistic, it all won't happen next week but it will happen. Maybe time to set some boundaries for the other half?
Prioritize what you need to do in order of importance. Who’s working now? I don’t understand what you mean by Medicaid isn’t accepted. Somewhere, in some city around you, there has to be a facility that accepts Medicaid where you could put Mom. You need to get bills paid and get your life together and you can’t do that and also be a 24/7 caregiver for your mother. Find a place that will take her Medicaid pending if she doesn’t already have it. You don’t have any options. Maybe she doesn’t want to go to a facility. Maybe you promised her you’d never put her in one. Well, you need to make a choice. You and your husband need to work, and work hard to make money to pay your bills and buy food. Unfortunately, caregiving for Mom isn’t part of that equation. I have an 8 year old grandson, and believe me, they miss nothing. He’s very in tune with your stress. You say your daughter has already kissed off the situation.
Nothing will change unless you have the determination to change it. Make a plan, hon. Get hubby onboard. Then do it.