I'm 22 and I'm taking care of my dad alone who just suffered a second severe heart attack(had 2 within just one year) in February. He's still in the hospital and not expecting to be home for a couple more months. My mom recently passed away from brain cancer where I was her caregiver as well for a year so I just feel completely devastated that all this is happening. I feel so guilty to think this way...but lately I feel like I've just been robbed of my life. I had to drop out of college awhile ago to take care of my mom and dropped out again to take care of my dad by working full time at a job I'm not so fond of and not where I want to end. I want to go back to college, but I have to take care of my bills and ridiculously expensive rent for my dad and I. He just also got fired and told he would not be able to work again. I just feel so miserable and numb right now and I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I want my life back so badly. I haven't lived since I was 18 before my mom got sick. I'm so scared I'm never going to be able to return to college and I'm just not going to get to do things I wanted to do at a young age. I feel like I'm a lot older than I really am. None of my family is helping. They just ignore me. It feels awful to be completely on my own. I pretty much destroyed all my relationships since I never had time to maintain them.
I'm 57. I feel ya, starting new things at this age is scary and you doubt yourself for even wanting to. There are good things and bad things about the road each of us took. Great post.
The only reason you feel like you have been robbed is because you have indeed been robbed. This situation is so hard, and you ARE so young to have to face this now! Dad has had something worse than an MI if he is going to be hospitalized for months...and one question is what kind of care does he need/will he need when he does come home.
The relationships that went away because you had to care for loved ones - maybe not such great people or great relationships. The rest of your family - your sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles?? What on earth is going on there - is your dad very difficult with poor relationships with them, or are they just too happy to take it for granted that you will keep taking care of everything?
Since he is still in the hospital, immediately contact Social Services and ask for their advice and help.
You're in a terrible position. Unusual, too. To have lost one parent and have another unable to care for himself and YOU being only 22 is almost like a pie in the face from God. I am very sorry.
You do not HAVE to take care of dad. What you're doing for him is the work of angels -- a beautiful gift that is such a loving and kind thing to do. And, at 22, you simply don't have the experience to wade thru some of the things ahead of you.
You need someone to bounce all this off of. That might be a good friend, a favorite aunt, your pastor, a counselor, a neighbor. "I don't know where to start. Can you give me some advice?" THE FIRST PERSON I'D PUT THIS TO WOULD BE SOMEONE IN SOCIAL SERVICES AT THE HOSPITAL. Those people are your BFFs right now.
I wish you good things. I apologize for the length of this post.