How do I stay sane, get my health back, and find happiness in the things I used to love?

BEAT UP:

English is my third language. I meant to say "Exhuming" ourselves FROM, not "for."

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-- ED

Beat Up:

"Exhuming" ourselves for the depression we're under isn't easy and can take a while. One way or another you're going to have to find a way to reconnect with yourself and the world at large, which might require a complete lifestyle "makeover." Your spirit is broken somehow, and it needs to heal. Start by rewinding the tape of your existence to see when, where, why, and how things began to go haywire. There's something missing, every fiber of your soul feels it, but you don't know what it is ... yet. But you must remove yourself, if only for a few hours at a time, from the environment you're in. Get out of the house, go hiking, go fishing. As the Founding Fathers said you have a right to "life, liberty, and the PURSUIT of happiness," so work hard and go after them. They're not going to come to you. Challenge yourself, and learn to live again. If all this doesn't work, talk to a therapist.

This is to Imw124(sorry 'beatup' for the mess up) but here in Oregon we have our bus system that has shuttles that take people from their front door to wherever they want to go. With macular degeneration you would more than qualify for that service if you lived here. My mother-in-law also has macular, and took that shuttle bus every day like clock work to see her husband in a foster care home before he died. I don't know about North Dakota.

The last comments were not from me. I have a car. I am not in or from North Dakota. I have been confused with someone else or someone else is confused with who they are. I wanted to make a comment earlier today but now I am afraid to do so. I wish you all the best but I will be signing off I think. "beatup"

Unfortunately I cannot drive due to vision problems, macular degeneration and detached retina scarring. Guess I just have to be very resourceful and persistent to get my transportation. I just had a discussion with my nephew today, he is supposed to help me more with transporation so I don't have to buy so many bus tickets, we will see if that actually materializes. Meanwhile the next week and a half my family is all going down to Las Vegas and I will be left here alone to take buses and cabs. I envy them going down there in the warmer weather, I am sick of all this snow and cold up here in North Dakota. Anyway, I do have church friends that can help me out and I can call them when I need to talk. Sometimes just being able to talk to somebody helps.

Take time to nurture yourself. Read a relaxing book. Stop into a cafe and sit down for a few minutes with a latte and a newspaper. Do whatever brings you joy and peace. This will help to balance out your life while you are giving so much to your elder.

Well then, first order of business is getting yourself a car. Doesn't have to be new. My husband and I have only bought 1 new car in 37 years, and it was a loser, so get a dependable used one. Put out the word at church that you're looking for a reliable used car. Who knows, there could be someone there that will GIVE it to you. We've given a few cars away to people that we knew needed a car, and couldn't afford one. There also should be men in your church that are mechanically inclined, keep that in mind for the future. Once you get a car again, then the freedom you'll have will be priceless. And if you're one of those people that has never driven before, make it happen!

Moving is out of the question now, I am getting more involved in my church now, I run a genealogy library there and help people look up their ancestors, and I have joined several women's groups, so I am keeping busy. Only problem I have is transportation, have to take the bus everywhere.

I read that you're living in a different state than where you grew up. Can you move her back to where you were living before?
Otherwise: church, take a college class, rec. center where there are crafts,self defense classes, art,swimming etc. Take a cooking class, join your nearest Curves for Women, get a dog and take him for a walk. Good luck.

When my mom first went to the nursing home, she was very angry and resentful, and still having problems adjusting. A lot of it has to do with her lack of privacy in the nursing home and the fact that she could not remember when she arrived at teh nursing home, why she was brought there, etc. At first I tried to visit her most of the day, but as each hour went on, it got harder and harder for me because she would get more and more upset, asking questions, not understanding, and accusing me and my sister of stealing her things that had been moved to my sister's house. It ended up in court, and my sister has guardianship now, but it has still rested on me to most of the visiting and taking care of the day to day problems that come up, and her finances. To me this was this seemed like the worst t hing that could have happened to me. However, I did start not coming to visit so often and only stayed a few hours, she was not quite as upset when I would come and visit, and I have enjoyed doing volunteer work and getting more active in my church. It was hard to put five years of taking care of mom behind me, but I had to move on with my life.

Anticipating going back to normal can be helpful if you can focus on what you are going to do not on what you can't do. My Mom is 86 with Parkinsons and is pretty much in bed and needs help to get out but she is doing exercises to strengthen her leg muscles and uncurl her toes because we told her that if she could stand (with help) we could take her for outings. What makes you smile? How can you give? Rejoice in the fact that you will get better. Hope you are encouraged by the messages you receive.

Volunteer work is great for the soul. You forget what's going on in your life when you get involved with helping others with theirs.

Now I just have to remember that myself.

I find talking with or visiting with friends or emailing helps and if there is a way to volunteer starting out slowly until you are stronger might help if you can get out in walk depending where you live that often helps did you have hobbies that you once enjoyed think about that, Try to be around encouraging people-is there a lonely person near your home you could visit once a week that is also a thought.