I am new here but have been reading these helpful posts and responses for a few weeks now. I am amazed at how many people out there are in the same boat!
I live with and take care of my elderly mom who has dementia that seems to have passed the "mild" stage. She forgets everything you tell her a few seconds later and just does things that she would have never done before. It just seems that life gets more and more difficult all the time. I love my mom and we have always been so close. I have siblings that do next to nothing. I have been astonished and amazed over the past few years at their behavior. I feel like I don't even know these people anymore and we had always been a close family. They have left almost everything up to me. I take my mom out every day to breakfast and take her to all of her many doctors appointments. I take her out whenever I can and spend time talking to her, making her meals and just being here with her all the time or as much time as I can be since I work as well.
I am tired and burned out. I used to exercise regularly and had many things I did for myself that I enjoyed. I can't even read a book or watch a movie anymore. I feel so stressed so much of the time.
Everything I have read says that you must take care of yourself in order to be there and be strong for someone else. I know that this is true but how?? I have tried asking for help from the siblings and don't get much. They treat me as though this is my job and my job only. I don't know how that is justified except that I did live here with my mom before she needed all the help. Their answer is always "Well, since you live there.....". One of my siblings lives with us but has mental problems and thinks HE does everything!! It's a real mess.
Putting my mom in a nursing home is out of the question for me. It feels good just to get all of this out!! Thanks for reading!!
Good Luck to you.
Now that she is with another sibling, after two years with us, she feels the same way about the sister she is now staying with. We need no other life than taking care of her 24/7. She is not interested in anything we've done or have planned.
Take the time for yourself when possible, it is very necessary for your own physical wellbeing and sanity.
Hugs and best wishes to all.
An adult day health program is awesome, if you are home during the day. If you work during the day, it may not give you more time for yourself, but it may give your mother more of a social life.
Your siblings aren't going to help. Give up on that. But that doesn't mean you can't have help. You just need to find another source. Start with your state's Senior Help Line or Agency on Aging or whatever your state has. Research what kind of respite care is available, so you can do water aerobics twice a week or book club discussions twice a month or just sit and read at the library. You NEED some time to recharge your batteries. This isn't optional!
What is your mother's financial status? Does she have a monthly income? Does she own assets like property, stock, bonds, a savings account, etc.? Because Mother should be paying her own way to the extent possible. She should pick up the cost of respite care. If she cannot afford to, then see what programs she may be eligible for. Medicaid has a program specifically to help seniors stay in their own homes, for example.
Good luck to you in making time to take care of yourself!