My boyfriend and I moved in with his house bound mother over a year ago because she literally begged us to. We became her caregivers. She is 70 years old has stage 4 COPD, is on 2 liters of oxygen, has stage 3 kidney failure,has an irrevirsebile colostomy, has dementia and alzheimers, has a brain tremor due to alcohol withdrawal, has heart problems, is legally blind, when she has to leave the house she has to be transported by ambulance because she can't walk up or down the stairs because her leg muscles are too weak to support her, also due to NO EXCERCISE, she smokes 10 to 14 cigarettes a day, eats continuously, she's 5' 2" and weighs over 210 pounds, she's mean and hateful to us and calls us stupid and dumb, She has a visiting nurse and doctor come to the house and lies to them and doesn't follow the doctors orders. Thats just the tip of the iceberg . We can't do this anymore, The problem we are facing is that there is no one else willing to care for her because of the way she treats them. She has other children but they are unwilling to take on the responsibility like we have.There is no reasoning with her because she is TOO STUBBORN. She refuse to go into a nursing home, the other children do not want to get guardianship of her, and so here we are, being treated like S*** and don't know what to do. Advise please.
Make your plans. Look for another place to live. Set a time limit. Notify her doctor that after such-and-such a date she will be living on her own.
Unless her two other children come often and regularly you might want to call a special meeting to discuss this. Be calm. Don't accuse anybody. Just state your decision about your own lives. Let them decide what they want to do -- which might be nothing. Not Your Problem.
Good luck!
You have given his mother more than a year in her own home that she might not have had otherwise. Whether she is grateful or not, that is a fabulous gift. You can feel good about your generosity. That doesn't mean that you have to go on giving indefinitely, especially in light of how very stressful it has become.
If between her own resources and what social services can suggest Mother can arrange enough help to remain in her house, that is great. If she can't, well, that is not your fault, is it?
I hope you can come to a resolution soon.
BTW, is she eligible for hospice?