i don't like to whine,but i moved 4000 miles to move back in with my 80 yr. mother who has arthritis and hearing problems.the tv is so loud and i have to constantly hollar to be heard.she has hearing aids in both ears but they are not much help.she's also very forgetful.i do the cooking,cleaning,yard work,trips to wherever i'm sure this is all common stuff.but i'm a 55 yr. old construction worker and have to go back 4000 mi. to the next job in the spring.i have 3 sisters who are married and live 20 mi. from here but they never or rarely ever come around.i can't find any support groups in the area.any suggestions?
You know him. I don't. What do you think is wrong with him? Do you think it would help if a doctor explained to him the value and purpose of offering food without asking about her appetite? Sometimes a message from an outsider is taken more seriously than one from mere children. (Sigh.)
My husband was "not hungry" the entire ten years of his dementia journey, but he ate at regular times and enjoyed going out to eat. I think that is fairly common in dementia.
Are there enough friends and family that you could set up a schedule to drop by daily and get your mom somthing to eat?
Do discuss this with your mom's doctor. She is being neglected by her main caregiver, and that could have serious consequences.
Just realized that I typed the above, above the following paragraph. Leaving it in just to give you guys some info on my life. My Mother is 81 and has dementia. She is doing pretty good, but her shortterm memory is gone so I can't leave her alone for very long. I do not have control of her money and they have decided that I get 10 hours a week away from her. If I go over that I have to pay for the homecare myself. I recently paid a bill that was over a thousand dollars!!! I am on disability myself and get a decent check each month and my mother owns her home and pays the bills, but I pay for all my personal stuff. My siblings think that I'm getting a "free ride" and that ten hours is enough. They say/think that I am "banking" all my money and living the "high-life." I actually got a huge lump sum because it took so long to get my disability, but it is all gone. They were looking at all shopping and receipts so I always buy my Mother what she wants/needs with my own money just so I don't have to answer to them. God has always taken care of me and I believe that he will continue to. Things just always seem to work out for the best for me and I will continue to believe and live that way cause it seems to be working.
Anyway, hope someone, somewhere got something positive out of my post. I'll take any suggestions or comments that could help me also. Anything to make the lives of our loved ones and ourselves better is always appreciated!!!!
(8) siblings we had communications problems. I set up email addresses for (8) siblings names and (5) grandchildren's names. So many of the siblings are out of state. So when a crisis comes we do the email thing. It works. Try getting your sisters email addresses and let them know by email that you need their support.
Meantime be encourage, God knows your heart. Also, try looking for an assisted living facility or a nursing home. I know a nursing home is a taboo word for most people and it is the last resort. We had to place our (83) year old mother in a nursing home after a massive stroke. She is not happy there, but we couldn't care for her physically, she had gained so much weight over the years, that several of us injured our backs trying to lift her. So do what is in the best interest of your mother. In a nursing home she will get 24 hours care, But again it is the last resort. Take Care, God Bless
My husband is 86, is in his 9th year with dementia, and cannot be left alone. We cannot afford all of the costs of his care, but we applied for Medicaid early on. We have a fairly large monthly "spend down" but expenses above that are covered. (Kind of like paying a deductible.) Medicaid does cover varies in-home services. If you haven't talked to a case worker from Social Services, do not draw conclusions about what you can afford. You might be surprised.
You absolutely must get out some. That is not optional. Once we could count on our husbands to do many things, like fix the leaky laundry tub and fill out the tax forms and run errands and be considerate of our needs. Alas, we have lost all of that. Just as we've had to figure out how to take on or have somebody else take on the other tasks our husbands used to do, we have to learn to take care of our selves without their encouragement. It is sad, but necessary.
I'm sure you know that the increased selfishness is the dementia, not a change in his love for you. If he were in his right mind he would want you to take care of yourself. Please do!
I have only one sister who lives back home which is 3000 miles away. She is unwilling to help or even offer support. I'm really upset with her because of this and I haven't called her in about 2 months, however she hasn't bothered to call me either. Everyday I have a conversation in my head with her, but I never call anymore because I know It's useless. I think.... well if she doesn't want to help my mom ... how about helping me? Not going to happen! So I go on as best as I can, but I do remember that I changed all of the names on the stocks recently to eliminate my sister's name. I am now the sole owner, so when the enevitable comes.. things will show up a little bit different than some people might expect. Gotta do what you gotta do! In the mean time; have you considered moving your mom 4000 miles with you? It sounds like she's in great hands with you. Well, something to think about. Best of luck to you.
There are headsets you can get for your mother to help her hear the tv . Go online and search. I also have two hard of hearing people and there are days I am exhausted from hollering. Neither one will even try the headset.
If you could be more clear on what all you need help with, you will get alot of suggestions and support. Talking to the sisters? Getting help for your mom when you go back to work? Assisted living? Let us know what your needs are and someone will have suggestions. Keep coming back to this sight and whine if you need to. We all have days we just need to get it out.