My son was cremated and his casket cremated with him. I did not want the casket just him. The funeral director said that is the way it is done. I think they just wanted to make money on the casket. I have been told by others that you can rent a casket and then they are taken out of the casket and cremated. Of course the funeral parlor told me they can not be responsible for the condition that the casket arrives in. Another gimmick no doubt for the funeral parlor to soak you at a vulnerable time.
My own belief is that money is for the living..not the dead. There are bills to pay off, maybe the roof needs replacing..or a new refrigerator or washer and drier. For caregivers the cost of caring is exorbitant and often drains the caregiver of their life savings as it has done me. I sacrifice EVERYTHING for my mum.
My own view of death is when they are gone--they are gone. The time to pay homage to them is when they are ALIVE and to love and take care of them every single day. Funerals are for the people who are guilty of neglect to assuage their feelings of guilt.
There are alternatives to funerals such as Neptune Society, who will simply dispose of the body in the ocean.
You can also apply to donate the body to science--the cost of transportation is FREE, and when the tissue samples are extracted for research and body used to help train future surgeons--the body is cremated for FREE and ashes sent back to the loved ones for FREE; in addition, two death certificates given for FREE. However, you must apply ahead of time. If money is a huge issue, then I would consider these alternatives.
For caregivers...if you have family that does not do much--let THEM pay for the cost of the funeral since it will make them feel better for all those years of ignoring them. Otherwise, consider alternatives like the Neptune society or medical science donation. Or get a simple cheaper cremation for under $1,000 without viewing and ceremony. Do NOT buy a "box" -- you will receive the ashes in a plastic bag in a cardboard small box and you can buy a cigar box (very pretty!) for under $50 and the ashes will fit nicely in there.
IF my brothers will not pay for her cremation/funeral, I will get the cheapest cremation possible since I tell my mom I love her every single day and take care of her every single moment attending to her every need. I buy things for my mom when she is alive. When they are dead--flowers and other niceties are just throwing money away because when they are gone that's it.
I do think embalming borders on abuse of the dead (I checked out what they did a number of years ago.)
There are a few differences here with transportation costs when donating a body for research. They charge $1,000 - but cremation, while free, is a "group" plan and no ashes are sent back.
Otherwise, funeral homes here don't have anything under $3,000 for a personal cremation or burial w/o embalming. If the ashes are to be buried, they still require a concrete vault. (I've been checking things out for when it's my time) Totally agree that money is for the living. It doesn't make sense to put almost as much as what I get in a year in the ground. I had one relative say "It's about respect". I disagree with them. The time to show respect is when they're alive - and money is for the living.
When my MIL died, she was cremated and no funeral. But the cemetery still charged us $10,000 to open a vault. I always thought that was highway robbery but, after reading your post, I now realize that the undertakers were going to get their money one way or another.
And, if it’s any consolation, both had a prepayment plan with the funeral home. My mom paid into it for decades. I estimated she paid over $10,000. When she passed two years ago, it still cost us $7,000 for the cremation, burial and headstone. I will always believe we were royally ripped off.
Its a shame, and again shame on them for taking advantage of you in such a sad time. So sorry for your loss.
I recall when my father died suddenly in 1950, what a ripoff the funeral home was and how upsetting it was for my mother. We preplanned my father-in-law's funeral in the late 1980's, it was not expensive and it was lovely.
I suggest you think about this before it's needed, do your homework, and a good place to ask questions is at hospice providers. We learned about the funeral home we used from a hospice nurse we knew. They get asked for references frequently.
I have done my own homework. Yes, One can sure thing "Rent out" a casket for the funeral service but at the crematory, utilize one of their cheap boxes to cremate your loved one in.
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