I am caring for my father that lives in my sister's home. My sister is always angry when we talk about my father. She says he's faking his symptoms and that I enable it because whenever he calls, I run to help or resolve the issue. I often arrive at my sister's home to find it dirty and no food for my father to eat. I would run to buy some groceries, spending my own money, only to be met with criticism over what I bought (nevermind an offer to repay). To make matters worse, she calls my other sister and is completely different. The two of them agree on stuff and get along really well. My other sister is distant and doesn't see the day to day problems I get called about. So my distant sister thinks I'm over reacting.
I ask the group. is this normal among siblings trying to care for an aging parent? I am at the point where I want to distance myself as well because I am wearing thin with running to resolve issues and then being criticized by my sisters when all I'm trying to do is help care for Dad. What to do? I'm at the end of my rope :-(
for her to know, for her to come visit while things are still relatively good, and so she knows "why" if you get the POA and make sister-in-denial mad, and you will both need her support...
Sigh. Welcome to the club, where the learning curve for so many things you never wanted to know is SO steep...
How do you get a POA? You can take your dad to an elder law attorney. Believe it or not OfficeMax has the forms that you'd have to fill out yourself and have notarized once your dad signs it in front of a notary. My dad had a POA and healthcare POA drawn up years before he needed it and I think it was done with an attorney but the POA itself is a very simple document. If you can't afford a lawyer you might be able to download one on LegalZoom.com (for a fee) but your dad would have to sign it in the presence of a notary.
A POA and a healthcare POA are vital tools to have when we're caring for our parents. When my dad became very ill his POA's opened many doors to me so that I could take care of his business. And when he became unable to make decisions about his own care the healthcare POA granted me the power to make those decisions for him.
If your sisters are keeping you out of the loop would you be able to obtain a POA for your dad? Could your sister already be his POA?
Good luck!
Thank you for your answers!!! I will take your advice and start doing my homework and itemizing.
Come up with a plan for adequate care for dad. Do you know his monthly income? Who has POA? Any money of his being spent should be itemized.
Do your homework.
If your siblings continue to be neglectful, report them to adult protective services.