He lives with us, me and my fiancée and step-son. I want him to understand that I have a life too, and that this is my house and some rules are just going to have to be followed even though I am "his child". Im scared that it will get to the point of my fiancée giving me an ultimatum... Either my father moves out, with our help of course, or he will... Please help!
Some clues would be helpful!
My neighbours sister gave up her job to look after her mum with als she moved in with her husband to her mums home to care for her what a great husband but after 2 yrs they just couldnt do it anymore as she was too much work but they tried anyway and thats the main thing. ALL we can do is try and if it dosnt work out so what? dosnt mean we are bad people. I wish to god i had a partner here with me for company and support but with dementia thats not going to be easy. If its only depression then set boundaries with him or get his doc to talk to him also depression can mimic dementia so make sure your doc rules that out first demand a brain scan thats what i did when my mums so called "depression" was becoming unbearable and i was right this was not depression. Living with an elder with depression is not so bad and can be worked out dementia or als i think is alot more hard work.
If your dad is not going to compromise, the I guess you have to do what you can do, within your limitations. Get on with your life. It probably isn't good for you all to be living together, but that part is up to you and the constraints of his finances. I do believe that all people need to live with consequences of their actions. My own parents I am sure still think they can bully people and get what they want. if my siblings want to kowtow to that, so be it. I would never NOT care for them to the best of my ability. I don't believe that means that I could or should be required to live with them.
I live with my mum her house her rules! just be grateful that its your house and you have the right to a life in your own home.
IF it was my house my mum would not be living with me but she has dementia IF she was just old and frail I wouldnt have a problem but when the mind goes its hell to look after them and compromising with someone whose losing it just dosnt work ever it gets worse.
I would also consider day care and respite if he refuses to go then suggest AL but we need to know what illnesses he has?
Put care plan in place for him and move out. Or have a family round table and tell him here are the rules, can he live by them, if not, he has 60 days to find new place with your help. Then follow thru.
Cut the ties or you will be "just you and dad" because fiancé will eventually be gone because he will no longer want to live with the stress or will tire of seeing you taken advantage of and have no backbone to make a change.
We don't know your situation but you have the power to make a choice and live with the decision. Maybe being his caregiver is what you deep down want to do and that is ok too.
Overall, I hear people tell me this all the time -- how stupid I am for doing this or how angelic I am for doing this. I don't value any of these comments -- how can others who don't know my situation place judgements on this. I'm neither stupid nor angelic nor is anyone else who takes in someone. Each person has their own capacities and we all have to learn to deal with what life hands us.
My advice to all -- be at peace with your decision, whether to take someone in or not, and don't listen to anyone else tell you otherwise. As our parents always drilled into us, "just do your best."
When I ask my mother to do new things, she pretty much just says "no," every time. She seems resistant to change or new things. But I've found that it's a knee jerk response on her part and that there are ways to show her that the "new thing" might be something she even likes. I also find that if it's reinforced by an outside person that she trusts and respects (like her doctor) that it helps her see things differently.
I realize none of this might apply, but I figure it's not advice that's going to hurt you, either.