My mother has been in a nursing home now for a month. She is fine to the nursing staff although sometimes stubborn, but when my sister and I go to visit her, she starts with the tantrums and crying binges about wanting to go home. She is not able to care for herself anymore because of her diabetes and bathroom issues so going home is not an option. She would rather sit in her little room in front of her tv and feel sorry for herself. How can we help her to get use to her new home. She also has dimensia and forgets about when she is really sick and had vivid dreams of just coming to visit and going home with my sister.
She would get mad when she found out we were not coming to see her on a particular day, but instead were doing other things. Her whole world revolved around my sis-in-law and I constantly entertaining her, or she would get mad. She is a wonderful person really, and she does admit it's better where she is now, rather than being alone. BUT she still says she wants to go home. I have resigned myself to that fact, it will never change. Where she is, is NOT home. She knows that of all us kids, I am the one that just puts it out there for her. If she wants to know the truth and not have someone sugar coat it, she'll ask me. I told her that what she really wants, is a time machine. It's not the house she wants to go back to, it's the wonderful times she and her husband had there. I told her if it were possible to make a time machine, then people would be lined up around the globe wanting to take their turn. She agreed.
God Bless you and strengthen you on your road.......Fernando
The guilt is there because you are looking at them with the eyes of a child. You remember them as they once were, not as they are now. Remember that they are in a placement because it is safer for them and that they are getting the help they need. Visit the professionals there, but don't always go see your family member. Checking up on the facility, the meds schedule, the caregivers and the nurses will give you some peace of mind. Don't put yourself in a position to receive the ranting and ravings of someone who just isn't the person you loved anymore. When you do see them, bring someone with you to document their behavior. When the expected behavior starts, LEAVE!!! It my sound cruel, but you can't change them. Also, ask if their meds could be affecting the bahavior. Do your research and ask many questions. Good luck.
Linda
Wise decision to stay away. Try to remember her before her decline and look for some good memories. God Bless!
I tried not going to see her as much but that really didn't help-she doesn't remember if I was there anyway.
They have a lot of activities where she's at-she didn't want to attend anything so I ask if they would just take her to whatever they were doing. That worked !! She was always shy and a loner-she isn't so much now-it's hard but it can work.
The gals at the NH will go along with what you ask of them.
best, RR
you didn't say why you couldn't have home health in for her....but assume you tried it and it didn't work or was too expensive.