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Wow just found this site. After 1+yrs of trying to convince my dad that it was not water all over his pants, stains on the couch, and all around the toilet I told him I'm NOT taking him out of the house unless he wears a brief. I had pull-ups. The generic brand from Walgreens. Or grocery. He reluctantly agreed so he could get to his "business" meetings with the guys. I look back and now realize it was all a pride issue. He got used to them real fast as I threw out all of his underpants and put the pull-ups In Their place. He too only wanted to call them diapers. So be it.
Now 2 yrs later he is more incontinent and his memory is worse. I often think he doesn't remember he messed the floor trying to use the toilet but the root problem is pride and stubbornness. He tries to cover it up ... ugh ..just makes it worse. He lives with me and I have to watch him 24/7 as he is too proud to ask for help. So like the other commenter it'd him if he doesn't let me know he needs assistance here is the Clorox cleaner and paper towels. He can clean up the whole mess. Which of course he can't. But it has helped. I know I have more control since he lives with me, as if he were in a facility the staff would need to make the rules or they need a higher level of care. All you can do is insist they do the right thing when they are with you.
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FloMae, also, you might lock the bathroom door so that he can enter only with you being with him and can insist that he sit down. Teaching him to sit down on his own, might be difficult.
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I have the opposite issue. My mom is willing to wear them, but my dad doesn't want her to, but complains when she has an accident. Any suggestions with that?
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The only thing I can think of is provide Mom with washable incontinence underwear. You can dye them pretty colors and add lace etc if you think that will fool Dad. Remove all the regular underwear and unless Dad wants Mom to go "commando" there will be no choice
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I can imagine what it is like to pee in a diaper and they are for our convenience not her comfort.

My wife is ambulatory but her brain does not tell her when she needs to toilet.
She knew what was happening a long time ago and said goodbye to all her friends and activities. She voluntarily stopped driving.in 2010.
When the incontinence became very difficult, we first introduced disposable bedpads.
Even with her low function, she recognized what it was, pointed at it and cried. Like everything else, she accepted it, but you could tell it furthered her sadness. The disposable briefs were worse for her dignity. I wish we had never attempted them. Also some brands are made with polyester and she has reaction to it. Also it contains the bacteria inviting UTI.

We now have good washable bedpads for her to sit on. She goes commando during the day, wears skirts, and we take her to toilet every 2-3 hours.
We are learning her facial expressions, like you would with a toddler.
If she starts to pee on the floor, we try to catch it with a folded towel.
No carpet in our house.
At night we place a washable bedpad under her sheet. 100% cotton sheets. No blends. Polyester is a skin irritant and holds bacteria and odors even after wash. It is a little more work than disposable anything, but better for her health and dignity.
You pee in a diaper, someone has to remove it and process it. Then clean you.
Pee on a disposable pad, someone has to handle it and dispose of it.

It will smell wherever it is. The bacteria remains and can be released by accident.
At some point a human might have to handle it.

Washable pads send body fluids to a system designed to process it.
Feces rolls off a washable pad but sticks to a disposable.
Into the toilet system designed to process it.

Bed to shower, remove the pad and sheet. Throw them in the washer.
Sheet over the bedpad is my preference to hide from her and the bedpad surface, although cotton, is rougher than a sheet.

What we saved on 'paper products' and the disposal, allowed us to purchase heavy duty washer and dryer.
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EllerySir you have found a solution that works for you and your wife you don't need to defend it.
Everyone has to look at their own problems and the solutions available and use what works for them.
You have done that and obviously have your wife's happiness as the number one priority. She is a lucky woman to have such a loving and thoughtful husband.
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