My Mom is very paranoid and has let her house get to the point where I am sure it could be condemned. She can still drive and pay her bills but her house is hazardous! She won't move and doesn't trust anyone so I don't know how to convince her to move without having someone come to her house and tell her she can't live there any more. Since she is so paranoid, I am afraid she will flip out completely. My brothers and I are going crazy trying to figure out what to do.
She thinks there is a government conspiracy against her and we can't get her to go to a doctor, get her house fixed, move, or anything. I have no idea what to do and how to do it. Any advice?
Also, this was done with constant contact with the Area Agency on Aging. They could not "force" my mom into AL. but they visited her, recommended AL, and then helped me through it.
You can try calling Adult Protective Services but if your mom is independent and coherent they won't be able to do anything either.
I know it's difficult to accept but sometimes we have to just let go and be at peace with things.
These are the very hardest situations: not being able to help someone who needs it.
The sad part is that damage is being done: to the house, perhaps putting neighbors at risk, to you and your brother, to the loss of the value of the house, which could be used to pay for care for your mom's care, etc.
I would say, talk to everyone who will listen: the doctor, the lawyer, the city code enforcement, adult protective services, Agency on Aging, AARP, everyone. Be sure that nothing can be done before you accept that.
One thing to remember is that everyone is unique. My mother refused assisted care, but we eventually got a "friend" from the neighborhood to watch her. Then when she had to leave I introduced another"friend" as she would walk with mom, bring her dog and she was always cheerful. When I visited I would vacumn, take her to market, clean bathrooms. Mom eventually needed more care and neighbors were worried about her being alone at night. My older sister had all of us vote to put her in a facility, which I have always regretted. It was very hard getting her to accept help at home, but I think we could have done it if we persisted. but we have since got the home fixed up and rented it out to pay for the exhorbitant facility bills. I know at the beginning she refused anyone wearing a uniform or scrub. She wanted to maintain her independence and relying on someone else comes slowly and could have been done , had we a little more patience. If the house has structural repair problems, somehow you need to convince her it has to be done. We got some stuff done while mom wa living in her home, but I usually had to be there when the fix-it guys arrived as she was paranoid too! Good luck and these people above have some great advice, too.
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