How can I get Mom to calm down and work to get out of rehab?

Why is she in Rehab?

Unfortunately (especially for caregivers) people hurt the ones they love (that are closest to them). I should be used to the hurt/backlash I get from my mother, but I don't think I'll ever get used to it.

Thank you, Carol, for the "expert" answer. The timing for this question could not be better. I am dealing with this 5 weeks after 88-year-old mom had surgery for broken femur. Was in rehab 16 days, with only one rough emotional day. Now at home with very sweet home health aides. Weepy every morning. Not motivated to do PT. I am the bad guy. Told her I am going out of town next weekend and she got more depressed/upset. You have to draw boundaries at some point. She has always had a "difficult" personality and is a controller. So I know there is a lot of anger - much of it at herself - but directed to people who just want to help. Hang in there.

Do you have a family member that she listens to that is willing to go up there. Some family member don't mind going up to help because all they have to do is to push a button. They are really scared about being in a nursing home because that is what it is in her eyes. They are waking up everyday to this place alone in a new place. Yes this this is the time to get your rest. When they get home that when you are really working with no time to yourself. Your going to have guilt if your there or not. When is her rehab time? Go up there after. I would never say don't go up there. The staff my be great but there aren't that many place that have a great staff to client ratio these days. Come in about seven in the morning in see if you smell pee or if she is wet. I know that sometimes it not the rehab but the place they are having rehab in. my dad was in a place for rehab and kept saying I want to go home and he was being abused we found out after his hip was broken. I'm just saying look at everything not just one way because everything doesn't fit in the same box. Good lucky to you

The UTI is likely causing some of the problem, but I agree with Pam. You may just have to let the nurses handle this.

Normally, I'm all for visiting often and doing lots of reassuring and hand holding (literally and figuratively). But there are times, and this seems like one of them, where we have to step back and let the professionals handle the situation. Once she calms down and does what she can, then you can re-enter. keep in touch with the staff and try not to feel guilty. You are trying to do what is right and that isn't always clear-cut.

Take care of yourself. This is a long road.
Carol

I agree with Pam, in that family members are their best when we caregivers are out of the room, but as soon as we get there they tell us they are worse or everything else is going bad. Like you were told, this is kind of "normal" behaviors, but keep listening to her, keep telling her SHE has to do her part to get out of rehab, and you will take her home. Don't get discouraged. When people are ill, no matter who they are, they want to be taken care of like when they were a child. Just be kind, understanding, and keep your emotions in check so you don't aggravate the situation. Smile, smile, and smile some more.

I'd wait til the ABs kick in and she gets a little more compos mentis. We got no sense out of mum when on strong ABs (and to be honest the phsios will struggle too, but they are used to it)
We were lucky that mum initially wanted to come home, so I'd tell her she could not come home til she could walk on her own etc.
(But she ended up loving that rehab home, think she wished she could stay there, they were wonderful and she had all her 'girls' to chat to)

Let the physios so there thing, steer a little clear til she's off the ABs.

Mp, how does your mom come to be in rehab? Did she have a stroke or TIA? You want to ask if there is any cognitive decline or dementia going on?

Has she ever seen a geriatric psychiatrist?

I know you are right to stay away but that's so hard to do. I need a break as well so I might take you up on that. She did response more to the guy who came in to work with her than the lady. Thanks for the info. Do you think the things she's saying and doing could be acting out becasue she doesn't want to be there?

Some people just do not like physical therapy of any type.... a little of pain and that's it, no more.... it's not easy to tell them *no pain, no gain*.

I know when my Mom was having issues with neck pain, her physical therapist was a very nice looking young man.... she was very cooperative and still talks about him a decade later, and she is still doing the exercises he requested she do that home :)

As hard as it sounds, you stay away. She will throw a hissy fit for you and try to manipulate you. This does not work with the nurses. I stayed away for the first three days, but checked in with the nurses by phone. Once they told me she was behaving and cooperative, I went to visit.