Mom had PD (prob Stage 4). For the past 3 wks she's cancelled the shower aide b/c "she's waiting until she feels better". At that rate, St. Peters will be the one giving her the shower b/c she's NOT going to feel better. I've even offered to give her a sponge bath and she hasn't had one of those for at least 12 days!! HELP!! I feel helpless b/c I am unemployed, living in my mom's house and she's paying my upkeep and medical insurance so I dont' feel so comfortable laying down the law. IF it were my house, and I was in charge of the finances it would be a whole different ballgame.
Have you tried telling her that she is starting to smell? If this does not work, I guess my advice to you is to hire the caregiver to come anyway. Hide the telephone number so she cannot cancel. Then, when the aide is there, hopefully, you can both persuade her to bathe (Mom backs down when there is some else present). If she still refuses, have the aid do other things around the house, while you take a break. Maybe this will help her become more comfortable with the aide, too.
I cannot make my Mom do anything that she flat out refuses to do...it's a constant battle.
good luck