I have been getting two messages from family members recently. The first is "Why can't you do more to help your mom?" Excuse me you're not here in the middle of the night emptying the commode, giving an enema, giving anti-nausea meds, changing linens basically taking care of mom and making sure the basic things get done around the house like laundry. Second question I've been getting "Why can't you go out and get a real job?" I work as a substitute teacher when I can. Right now I have one caregiver one day a week who can stay with mom but she's a student nurse so her hours are dependent upon her school schedule. Therefore, if I need her to come earlier I have to let her know ahead of time (I sometimes get a phone call at 8 am asking me to work but by then it's too late to organize care for mom for the day). So my question is do other people get that "why can't you do more?" from family and friends? How does it make you feel because it makes me want to scream or smack them.
Basically, do your best and ignore them as much as you can. If you ignore them too much, they will feel left-out and pester you even more, probably, but if you smile and pretend you care about what they're saying, sometimes it makes them go away faster. Make grunting noises now and again and furrow your brow to make it seem that you're really paying attention to this "important" information they're passing along.
Meanwhile, use that time to reorganize your day so that you can figure out where you're going to fit a little time in for yourself, if that's possible. Since that's sometimes hard, that will help you with the occasional furrowed brow of heavy concentration.
I have noticed for myself taking care of my mother the same thing I noticed when she took care of her mother: people complain that they're not part of things but when you ask for help, they never want to do whatever you asked.
Thinking about this, I still feel so bad for my mom -- all she wanted was for someone to come watch grandma for an hour so that mom could go to the grocery store without having to get grandma prepped and dragging her through the place, which made it take so much longer, but no-one felt comfortable watching grandma for an hour and mom got no relief. My dad was at work, I was too young, and there wasn't the amount of caregiving resources around, then. I still feel so bad for her. And, I know that's how our family is -- it's the same for this round of family caregiving -- nothing has changed.
If a family member suggests you get a job, have a schedule ready for them for what days that can do the caregiving. That way you could work outside the home on those days. I bet the family member would disappear.