Mom is 86 with weakness, balance and memory issues. Doctor and home health nurse after hospital stay absolutely say she can not be alone. After finding smoke in house because she burned something in oven, I completely agree.
I have aide here four hours on weekdays. That gives me time to take the dog out, run errands, tend to most of my medical appointments, and yes, get away.
However, Mom is on a campaign to get rid of aides. She does not want a "babysitter," wants privacy, etc. Without aides, I am in house 24/7.
How have you gotten around this?
a Friend of a friend was introduced to me, she was a professional caregiver between jobs.
so, I told my dad that she was coming over to help me get the house organized. She arrived and I introduced her, showed here where everything was. After about an hour I offered everyone ice tea. We three sat down together and had tea. In a short while I left on errands and they sat and chatted. The second day after chatting for a while my Dad mentioned he “never” get a to go to Walmart....so she took him. They stayed out for a couple hours and she helped me get him to bed when they came back.
that weekend my Dad was constantly looking for her. She arrived on Monday, and never stopped coming daily for the remainder of his life. She made his final time on this earth probably the most enjoyable he had ever had.
try to introduce this person in another capacity, and let them have the space to become friends.
I hope your idea of introducing caregivers works for foleydaughter .
If the aide isn’t able to deal with a woman with Mom’s numerous issues, TRY ANOTHER AIDE.
Be sure that the aide understands that your mom may respond to a slightly louder voice, and that she is on a “campaign to get rid of aides”.
If you are expecting this to be a brief, pleasant, easy process.........well, WE made THAT mistake, but ultimately, LO accepted with surly silence, but she was SAFE.
SAFETY is REALLY your only concern at this point, unfortunately. As much as you want Mom to be comfortable and content and relaxed by having the aide there, most likely that won’t happen, and VERY unlikely right off the bat.
It is very likely MORE IMPORTANT for your mother’s well being that she accept the aide than it is for YOU to have the freedom to leave. Her dependence on you will only become more pronounced unless you separate ASAP.
Enjoy your “self” time. You deserve it.
I often feel tied down as my MIL lives with me and my husband. But, I make the time to do things I need and want to do. We have help and I relish the ability to relax and know that I can actually leave the house and know that my MIL is safely with someone!
My own Mom [90+] was anti-caregiver. No way, no how, nada, ziltch. No other woman was going to make dinner for my Dad. Or use her kitchen, or do light housekeeping because that was Mom's "job". It was a major struggle and Mom won. We had to wait for a serious medical situation in order for Mom to get help... Mom spent her remaining months in long-term-care. Too bad the word "stubborn" isn't a legit medical term.... [sigh].
Dad on the other hand was on the phone quickly to get those caregivers to come back to help him.
Don't let Mom manipulate your life. Yes, she should have options and appropriate choices. Unfortunately, privacy is no longer a choice for her.
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