Quad heart bypass. Bi-Lat femoral arterial bioassay-stil smokes. Cardiologist says "don't fight this battle". He wants a cigarette about every two hours. Non-insulin diabetes but run sigh blood sugars. Candy demands, ice cream demands, green grapes, oranges, etc. "don't worry, just give them whatever they want". He's 83 - is this the way to play this? The alternative is constant arguing-trying to re-direct, offer alternatives. Help!
This is your husband we are discussing, right, and he lives at home with you?
In my mother's nursing home I saw residents being wheeled to the patio to smoke, with large fireproof aprons covering them. Look up ~fireproof smoking aprons~ on Google. There are also similar lap blankets that could be used to help protect furniture. It makes sense to decrease the fire hazards as much as you can. But smoking is not a battle worth fighting at this point.
How high do his blood sugars run? What was his last a1C number? If his numbers get dangerously worse, perhaps he could start taking insulin. Or just live with the consequences of the high numbers. He wants an orange? That is just not a battle worth fighting. Give him an orange. Let him peel it himself, to spread the experience out. My husband's geriatrician told him to stop taking his blood sugar readings when he developed dementia, and to eat what he wanted. She monitored his a1C about every 3 months and told us she would let us know if it became dangerously high. It never happened.
The time you have left with your dear husband is limited, no matter what life-style changes he does or doesn't make. Constant conflict is bad for his quality of life, and yours, too! Try to enjoy each other. Cherish all the good moments.
He may be terribly bored. I guess you could try introducing to him to FreeCell or something, on one of the simpler handheld devices? That might substitute a new addiction and take his mind off the others - it sounds as if he's looking for stimuli.
But other than that, and oh my goodness the fire risk must make life a bit exciting, what's good enough for a cardiologist...
I think perhaps the way to look at it is, what are you trying to achieve? What are you hoping for for your father? And I have to agree that there is very little point in trying to get him to adopt healthier lifestyle choices if it's only going to make him miserable and you unpopular.
So, he can have his cigarettes, but can you take charge of the lighter? Since you won't be nurse ratchet, answering his request to light up will always be met kindly, with no judgment, no comment.
The apron is a great safety feature.
About his fears....check with the doctor that he has meds for that anxiety.
So sorry that you are going through this. If you have a social worker, counselor, or therapist on board, this support can help you decide when he needs care that you won't be able to provide, and they will discuss the many options with you.
As well as caregivers here, can help you talk this out. Keep coming back!
and smoking... and eating sugary foods, I guess if he wont listen. then it'd be hard to stop him especially if he is demanding. if the cigarettes and sugary foods causes his health to suffer, you shouldn't feel to blame. constant arguing is hard on both of you.
you say you offer alternative foods, but maybe you just have to accept he wont change? when you dig in your heels with dementia, they just push back even more.
I know She will make the decision best for the man she is caring for, that special individual who is himself and not the same as any other man. I am sure she is wise enough to look at safety issues as well. In the end we each do what we honestly believe is the best for our loved ones.
It's so hard. After my father's stroke, he stopped smoking completely. I think it added to his unhappiness. I tried to make this up with food, but that was short lived. It is hard when people get into their 80s and 90s. I just don't know how aggressive us caretakers should be in reinforcing healthy eating and living. Those are life long habits and they are hard to break.
I know its hard to know what is right sometimes. I hope I made my dad a little happy to let him have his way.
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