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My grandma has been on a steep decline ever since her husband died in 2020. Before his death she had never lived by herself in her 81 years of life, so it was an adjustmant. Within the last year, we moved her into assisted living. Before the move she was very anxious and scared when she was alone. One time, she called the cops once to her apartment, a few months after he died, fearing someone was breaking in, but she never called them again. The anxiety never went away. It was especially bad the first few months being in a new place. Now in the past 2 months she has called them twice from her assisted living place and has threatened to call them multiple other times, claiming that people are breaking into her house and are going to set it on fire. We took her phone, on the advice of the assisted living staff, to try and prevent the calls but it made her even more anxious and upset, since now she can't reach my mom or I easily. I guess I'm just looking for any advice. If we give her the phone back and she calls again the responders are understandably going to be upset, but if we keep the phone away from her shes a total mess.

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I agree on removing the phone. My mom called the sheriff/911 so many times that APS was going to be their next step. I worked for sheriff dept at the time and know how much these calls waste of first responder time. Mom is with me now, still no direct phone access. If she wants to talk to someone I call for her. Soon she will be in AL/MC also with no direct phone access.
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I got a Grandpad for Dad - you can set it up so that they only people they can call are people YOU set up in their contacts. And the only people who can call them are their contacts. And it makes video calls automatically - if their contacts have the GrandPad app on their phones.
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Free access to phones + dementia do not mix well. Take away the phone.
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izzyviolet24, welcome to the forum. Have someone test your Grandma for an Urinary Tract Infection [UTI] as such an infection can cause all types of unwanted and strange behaviors.

The test is fairly easy if Grandma cooperates. If the test comes back positive, the infection can be treated with antibiotics.
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Is grandma in the memory care unit of the assisted living facility, since she suffers from dementia? If not, that's where she belongs, with her phone so she has access to the outside world, and calming meds like Ativan to keep her relaxed.

At this moment, all you need is to purchase a call blocker device that will prevent grandma from being able to dial 911 in the first place:

https://www.amazon.com/911-Call-Blocker-Restrict-Outgoing/dp/B00C81AIHY

I strongly believe all elders should have a phone when they're in managed care bc it's their ONLY LINK to the outside world and the only way they have to contact loved ones.

My mother lived in Memory Care Assisted Living for nearly 3 years and her landline phone was plugged in the entire time. Even when she couldn't use it anymore, she could still GET calls. Or she'd ask one of "her girls" to call me to chat.

Good luck to you.
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Keep the phone and have her assessed for a low dose of a soothing mood stabilizer.

We used the psychiatric practice that served my LO’s Assisted Living/Memory Care facility and she was a lovely peaceful respectful woman who saw LO every few months after her initial assessment and subsequently placing LO on the requested “low dose”.

It meant almost 2 good years of life (before COVID) and I will ALWAYS be grateful for having been able to arrange them for LO.

I absolutely agree with you- I was so upset myself that my LO was suffering. Addressing the anxiety directly was a blessing both for LO and me.
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She maybe showing signs of Dementia. She needs an evaluation with a neurologist. If found she is suffering from a Dementia she may need Memory care.
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lealonnie1 Jan 2023
I am caring for my grandmother Elizabeth, who is 83 years old, living in assisted living with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, and incontinence.
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Gma needs to be seen by a geriatric psychiatrist.

A low dose of anti-anxiety or anti-depressant medication can make a huge difference in her quality of life.
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Keep the phone away from her. Mom will have to learn that the persons to call, to report to, to take concerns to are the staff who is right there. The facility is correct--no phone.
Now as to how long Mom can do assisted living, that is another question. The deterioration that comes rapidly after such a loss is not unusual at all. She may require memory care in the near future. I don't know if this facility is one that has a sort of "inbetween" facility which is lower in cost, but a bit better staffed and safer for those who are having anxiety and confusion.
I would also discuss with the doctor. Unaddressed anxiety is becoming "all the thing" now with AARP noting in recent paper that doctors are being encouraged now to speak about "anxiety" with elderly patients. It is a huge contributor to mental deterioration.
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