90 year old grandma is not acting like she did a month ago. she is demanding, she doesn't want to go to bed she wants to stay in the living room. she is picking at her blankets.she tells my mom that she has to tell her when she is leaving the room,like going outside or upstairs. she said to my mom she needs to know where she is at all times in case she needs to go to the bathroom.she has stopped having normal conversations with us. she basically only talks when we ask her a question. last month she would talk up a storm and wanted to go out to lunch,get a manicure and a perm. now she says she is tired and just wants to sleep.she isnt on medications and has no fatal medical issues. she has no dementia ,she has hearing loss walks with a walker because ,well she is old.i told my mom i think grandma is in the process of dying .that she doesn't really mean to be mean and she cant help what she is doing,my mom and aunt think she is acting up on purpose for attention. i think my mom and aunt dont want to face that their mother is going to die at some point. i dont think grandma will be around to much longer. what is the process of the elderly getting ready to pass over just from old age not any major illnesses like cancer.
1.unable to hold her urine/bowels and doesn't want anyone to know so she wants someone around all the time to take her the bathroom.
Lack of conversation: Could be she has had a mini stroke that makes conversation (words) difficult for her to express her thoughts or follow in a conversation.
I've worked with many clients as well as my mother at this age and older and some are quite good at hiding what they consider to be embarrassing.
If she wants to sleep all the time could be she feels she has no reason to get up.We've all had days like that despite our age.Best cure for that is a schedule and something to do like folding small articles of clothing, sorting through photographs and sharing stories of her youth, dusting if she's able, anything that makes her feel of "help" to the family.One of my dog's has become my mother's reason to live.He is her constant companion, she brushes and spoils him and makes sure I care for his needs as SHE see's fit.
Getting that old isn't just a hardship for the caregiver's.It's seems like a punishment to many of those suffering through it.
Not wanting to eat and picking at her blankets (or clothes) are signs of someone beginning the dying process. And like StandingAlone said, she doesn't need a fatal illness or condition, she's 90 years old. There doesn't have to be a precipitation illness or event for someone to pass away. She may just be dying of old age.
I would recommend hospice. You can get the name of a hospice company from your grandma's Dr. As she continues down this path she's going to become more needy and need more attention and the process of watching a loved one die is much easier on the family if they're not the ones caring for that person. And hospice is free.
And you're probably right. Your grandmother probably doesn't know what she's doing at this point, especially if this is out of character for her. And yes, a lot of us don't want to have to face our parents die and it's very painful sometimes to have to watch the process up close..
Just go with the flow and don't argu with her and just try and be as patient as you can be. Get a doctor in to see her if she can't get out, but get a doctor to see her. My mom's doctor came out a time or two when it got to the point where my mom couldn't leave the house. Ask the doc about hospice. Maybe it's time to get some help for everyone. You want your grandma to be as comfortable as possible. Hospice and the doc will make sure she is.
A lot of things affect the elderly and all kinds of new and unusual behaviors can pop up. This could be the end, it could be your grandma needs her meds reevaluated, it could be an infection... Get her to the doc, get some information, then go from there. And keep a close eye out on her until her appointment.