I have a sitter come in 1-2 times a month to sit with my grandparents who live with us. I have 3 children, they are 10, 8, and 8. The sitter comes usually 4hours then I'm back. My grandma has no sense of time, so to her 10 mins is like an hour. I feel guilty when I go anywhere, she ask you really need to go to the grocery store? Does she not understand with 7 ppl in a home food goes quick, I cook at least twice a day. We have a 3200 sq ft house, my family and I have our own living room upstairs along with our bedrooms, she doesn't even like me to go upstairs. I feel like she expects me under them every second of the day.
I asked her about this several times and my mom was coherant enough at that time to talk to me about it. She admitted that at this age (87) she didn't want to be alone. She was afraid. Afraid of falling, afraid of dying and I wouldn't be there etc. She was attached to me and got very very upset when my hubby and I would want to go out alone although....at the time we told her we were doing so, she would say okay. When we got back all hell broke loose and it was so frustrating for me who only wanted a little time alone. Looking back now, I see that it was fear. I was all she had and basically her lifeline. If something happened to me, what would become of her? Also, I was the one she loved and trusted most. I think elderly people somewhat revert back to childhood. Instead of her mother, she needed me. I can say though that after her fall, all she did was ask for her mom and tell me she saw her mom. I believe the dependence we have on our parents when we are young, comes back when we are old. I know this answer didn't fix anything for you but possibly you can understand grandma better. I wish you peace and quiet time because I know you are going through alot. Hugs.
good luck hang in there...
I also wondered, but didn't ask, how you manage to stay in touch with your kids. Are they involved in sports, do you get to see any of their games. Now that might be something GM could enjoy....or not. How about GP?
I hope you have a husband in this mix. You didn't mention that, but I sure hope you are not doing this alone.
Blessings, Cattails.
Jeanne gave you good advise. It you left something out, let us know.
You are a very wonderful person. Hugs, Cattails
And I also would guess that no, she doesn't understand the relationship between feeding seven people and leaving the house to shop for groceries.She did once, certainly, but it sounds like that is in the past. It is like her vanished sense of time.
You didn't ask what you should do, but I'll take a stab at that, too. You should continue to do what you need to do to run your household. And you should also get out and enjoy yourself, sometimes alone, sometimes with hubby, maybe with children sometimes. You are doing an absolutely awesome job to raise your children and also care for your grandparents. You not only deserve time away, you need it to keep your sanity! There is no need to feel guilty. This is something you must do and deserve to do.
I wouldn't spend a lot of energy on a lot of explanations and justifications to Grandma. Logic may not be effective with her anymore. I'd focus on, "I love you, Grandma. I'm coming back before dinnertime, and I am happy that you'll be here when I come in. Connie will be here and can help you with anything you might need while I am gone." Be firm but reassuring.
Blessings on you for the love and care you provide for so many people!