He is bed ridden and I cook clean garden, bathe, change etc. not to mention his constant companion. Recently I have found it depressing and frustrating to hang out with him the way I had been. Sometimes I will be in there for hours watching T.V. right next to him and I'll get up and he's suprised to see that i have been there all along. Other times It just gets frustrating that we have watched the same Western three days in a row but it's all new to him. Lately I have been in my room or in the living room watching my own shows or sewing. He doesn't seem to miss me but I feel terribly guilty. I see the change slowly becoming worse and realize it's innevitable. His initial prognosis stated he should have been gone 3 yrs ago. He has been through all the stages of death including renal shut down and nutrient withdrawl. He came out of it 4 months ago. I knew it was a temporary thing since he is riddled with cancer...How can I not feel guilty or try to force myself to keep him company all da
Good luck, my friend. You are a fantastic person. Please get support for yourself.
Carol
these steps may help you get through the caregiving journey: I personally have been there-gone on this journey-and thus I have a good idea what you may be experiencing..
Take care of your OWN health. (Very important)
Take care of your mental and physical health. You are number one. Caregivers can not take care of other people if they are not taking care of themselves first. This means taking time to do the things that make you feel at peace and relaxed. This may be reading, working on a hobby, having lunch with friends--whatever it is make arrangements to do it. This may mean enlisting the help of friends, family or, hiring someone. Some communities have free respite care available. Check with your local agencies to see what you qualify for, and stive for some "ME TIME"..
Reject all negative comments. If family members criticize you for the way you do things, tell them that they're welcome to come over and help. If they criticize you for doing something to care for yourself, let them know that you're really going to appreciate them taking over two days a week so you can rejuvenate. Remember, if they could do it better, they'd be doing it.
Make "I'm doing the best I can," your mantra. There are no rewards in being a martyr. You are the only person who's going to take care of you.
Don't fall into the "I'm the greatest trap." This is when people will praise you generously for the sacrifices you're making. ," You're such a saint to take care of your parent 24/7. I don't see how you do it. There's surely a place in heaven for you."
I sure hope some of these tips ring true with you-and you find some release in feeling guilty---Reach out to this forum and to others for support.
Best
Hap
The course is now on fast-forward rewind and your dad has gone into his own little kid world, soon he'll be like an infant and go back to infinity. You're close by, that's plenty.
How do I, a stranger know? Because when you grew up, he gave you the love you are now returning. Take time for yourself -- he doesn't mind at all. He loves you. Guilt free.
Your situation is more serious because your father is in the end stages. I know you feel as if you need to be right there every moment in case he needs you, wants company, or slips away. However, the reality is that we cannot control any of these things. Many people in this forum have written that they felt the need to be by their parent's side every moment so that they would not "die alone." Then, when they left for a few moments or asked hospice to step in, the inevitable happens. Several hospice workers have said that it is a family member's way of sparing their caregivers grief by not wanting them to be there to witness their passing...a last loving gesture.
I agree with Carol - you really need some distance from this grueling and isolating pace- even if it is for a few hours. Could you ask a family member, friend, neighbor, hospice worker, to sit in for a few hours? Or have a paid caregiver come in for a few hours a week? It would give you something to look forward to and allow you some severely needed "me time."
Take care....let us know...I am in awe of your commitment to your father.
Lilli
Your dad most have did something great because God sent him an Angel to take care of him. Sorry if I mispelled a few words only get 4 hours of sleep a night. Your doing a great job!!!!!!!!
I've been watching my mom stare at me for the past 3 years and I usually just wait until it hits my limit, then I find some way to cover her and spend some downtime, then start all over again.
I'm just taking it a step at a time and trying to keep in mind that I am part of all this too.
Honestly, my biggest fear is what kind of state I'll be in when it's over. Will I Know how to get back on my own two feet and be able to start my life again, Alone?
Still crying.
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