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FORGET POA. Take her to the doctor and have the doctor send a letter head to the Soc. Sec. Office suggesting YOU be her Authorized Representative. The Check will come to her C/O you. GET the bank account to Notorized the Letter. 1. Change your Phone Number. 2. Send back all letters and cards. 3. OR put a sign on her back RETURN TO SENDER and you get a life and a job. Good luck.
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I agree for a real need to have a good mediator for family meetings. I also agree with the need for a shared reality of the expense of care giving. I wonder if there is an elder care social worker or agency or lawyer in your areas that can help negotiate more balance in what happens with finances and care giving. I wonder if there are agencys in your area that have lists of resources.
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Argee with it all. Absolutely take the time to price out the cost of assisted living or home health care in your area. I would also tell them that you can no longer to provide the daily care for your mother, monitoring, meals, and so on, unless you are given access to the finances. You're just not going to do it anymore. you plan on mving out as soon as you get a job and get on with your life. Now whether you actually do that, or feel that is a different story. But it might shake then up a little bit. I have access to my parent's $$, but I don't access it. They still pay their bills. My lazy a#$ sibling who lives off of child support wants to know where every penny goes. But this one never inquiries of their health. Interesting, isn't it? Just sittin' around waiting for their check.....lordy!
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I am in your shoes as well. Right now, my mother has an open abdominal incision approximately 9 inches long, three inches across and four inches deep. My siblings really don't get it, so today, when the wound vacuum is changed, I'm taking pictures of her with and without the wound vacuum. The pictures should arrive via e-mail just about time for their lunch. I imagine that they'll lose theirs when they see them, but they need to be kept informed of the realities of her care.
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My sister and I know what you are going though. We have have the same trouble with our sister and brother. We have told them if they want to take care of our 9 year old mother come on. My sister and I have been taken care of her for the past 30 years with no help from them except for them to complain. We can not even get them to come over to stay with her for even an hour. But yet they want to complain that we are spending to much of her money on things. The only thing that is touch from her funds is to pay two bills of hers and her doctors bills which even that we have taken care of. We pay for her meds what the insurance does not pay and hospital bills that mediare does not pay. We can not even get outside help for her and she can not walk at all. We have to do everything for her. So we know what it is like and our prayers are with you.
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WELL! First let me tell you you I COMPLETELY agree with all the statements made by Lilliput and Madge, and would like to continue only to say that the family meeting should have a MEDIATOR there (unrelated third party) to resolve any issues (oh and there will be issues), and that the meeting should NOT include Mom or the stress will REALLY get to her.

Second: get estimates (IN WRITING) from several places, and then have your brothers and sister do the same! Why should you have to do all the work?

Third: For the sister that thinks you don't feed Mom correct, put HER in charge of all 'food related duties'. And if she can't do it, because she doesn't live close by, have HER hire someone and have THEM provide her with the pictutes she wants, and the menu Mom eats, and a schedule of what she eats, etc.

Fourth: ANY further changes in your Mom's living arrangement can also have dire effect on her mental state. With that being said, start a schedule to have ALL siblings come and stay with her on a regular basis. IN THE LOCATIONS she is in now. Do not move her all around the globe/country, since this is not a good idea. When one of them stays THERE with her, you should be able to come and go as you see fit.

I know that our loved ones 'imprint' on one person (yourself) and may find this uncomfortable, but if it can happen, let it happen. Even a 'daycare' center will give you a day of rest or perhaps more time than you seem to be getting now.

Finally: NONE of this is easy when everyone agrees. Take some comfort in knowing that this happens more often than not, and although that doesn't make it easier, it does let you know that others have been down this path, and will help you as much as possible.

Also, AGE, proximity and prior family dynamics make up a huge part of your 'perceived' care. My siblings EXPECTED me to take care of Mom, and yet questioned everything I did too. I didn't have financial or medical POA but I did the best I could for my mother (as you are doing), since she was my best friend too. I also lived two hours away from my brothers, and 1200 miles from my sister, so I did more 'accounting' to THEM sometimes, than to my mother who was in the same room as me!

Have the family meeting, have a LIST of things you need to discuss, and have them ALL sign off on what should be done. If they cannot attend personally, do it via the INTERNET with net meeting, or Skype, etc. Do it soon, so YOU will be able to live too!

a huge impact on the care is perceived versus 'their abilities'. If they question your ability, take a course in caring for those with dementia (online is available) WITH them so you are all on the same page.
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There have been many icky sibling stories on this site, but yours takes the cake. I agree with madge: if you are taking care of your Mom (and unless there has been a history of misuse of funds, which it appears there is not) you should have both financial and medical POA. If they refuse to turn over POA to you, get a part time job pay your Mom for a little rent, then hire fulltime, paid, in-home caregivers and send the bill to whomever has her financial POA. That should be an eye-opener.

Take a few minutes and call or go online and figure out how much 24/7 care costs - including transportation to doctor's offices, errands, and household maintenance. Then put it on paper and send it to all the sibs. If they are STILL complaining, thank them for their interest in their mother's well-being and suggest that they come for rotating visits so that they can spend more quality time with her.

Geeezz....reading about these family armchair quarterbacks drives me nuts. (btw, I would tell the sister who wants you to photgraph the cupboard to take a short walk off a long cliff. Incredible!)

Living in a home where you cannot even be in another room without answering to your Mom and having all those sibs on your back sounds brutal. If you do not take charge and set boundaries now, I am afraid you are in for more of the same.
good luc
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I reread your post and want to say, I would need the POA for finances and not be begging for money to feed your Mom. That is insulting. As for the sister who wants photos of her pantry. Designate her as the "Chef" and she is free to come over everyday and prepare delicious and healthy meals for your Mom at her own expense. Otherwise butt out.
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The key here is communication. Have a family meeting. Decide who is appointed POAs for financial, medical, and how everything is to be handled. Include your siblings. Let your siblings know how expensive it would be to hire a caregiver, go to assisted living or even a nursing home. If your Mom goes into a nursing home, the condo will most likely be lost to the look back period unless she has given it to someone at least 5 years before she is placed in the home.Divide up the caregiving. Give them a reality check.

You may have been her favorite of her kids and now the siblings are jealous. Alot of the problems I read about on this site are due to old family dynamics. You Mom can make a will and divide everything so no one is left out.

You seem the mostly likely of her children to take care of her but when someone just takes over there usually are hard feelings. Wish you well.
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