My Mom is incompetent. I offer to help clean her house but she says no it's hard on me because im taking care of both of parent's. I don't know where to turn half the time /my dad is in a wheel chair my mom takes meds for her sickness she refuses for me to do anything like giving my dad a bath I've been taking care of them for almost 7years there for a while I was doing it by myself my brother care's my dad places sometimes but I do cooking garbage helping fix things sometimes shopping making sure they have what they need doing dad's toe nails I would do more but she won't let me I'm there only daughter and 4 brothers when dad or mom get hurt I take them to the hospital it's hard to do everything yourself what would you prefer for me to do
Especially when she's wrong and not living in reality.
If dad needs a bath and help with the every day activities of dressing, toileting, tooth brushing, etc. you have to either get professional in-home care or look for a care facility for him.
I would say a care facility for the both of them.
It is when you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't, you are answerable to someone who is incompetent (or with alzheimers) and walking on eggshells trying to please. It is time to leave, you may be of more useful help from a distance.
With distance, others can discover what you already know without you telling them. Stay with a friend for now. Allow the others to step up. That feeling you are trying to numb down and fix can make anyone crazy. Detach with love.