Has anyone ever lost interest in things you use to enjoy or were excited about because of caregiving?

Hi there,
So sorry that you are experiencing this. Maybe you’re taking on too much from the person. Our energetic bodies take on stuff that we may not be aware of. My suggestion is to do some grounding exercise, walking on the grass in bare feet is good. Deep breathing and yoga (stretching).
Whatever spiritual journey your on while have an effect. I for one am a Christian and rely on God for strength and also have been given knowledge to help others and myself. It’s not an easy journey. In fact my Mom who is 83 and may be getting dementia is actually teaching me patience not only with her but myself. Also a reminder to take better care of myself. Because what good are you if you don’t take good care of yourself? You won’t be much to anybody else. But I agree I have not been into my art as much and this note from you resonated with me. So I feel that I can incorporate my art someway with my mom when she is feeling better on days she’s not in pain. It’s tricky management, but with prayer and consistency you will reap what you've sown. God bless you .

I totally know what you mean. I don't want to do anything and am stressed when stuff comes up-- even supposedly fun stuff. I do sing in a choir and am a substitute teacher in the school where I retired but I am also my 98 year old mother's main caregiver (she is amazingly strong and healthy) and also my husband's (he has memory loss and other health issues). But the stress and anxiety are enormous. I, too, am in bi-weekly therapy which is very helpful but I still feel like I'm drowning. May we all find peace somehow during these awful, awful times. Thanks for your note. I know I'm not alone in this, as lonely as it always feels.

Yes. I feel like my life is over and there is nothing to look forward to.

I have died inside. Nothing's left. Pumped empty. No feelings. Dry, except I cry all the time

I'm sorry about your difficult situation with caregiving. Whoever is being cared for should go into a facility to free your responsibilities so you can return to what you enjoyed. Therapy does help. Do you have health insurance that covers your therapy? It should also help you with weekly therapy.

Wow! FB, your post has really hit home with many of us.

My mother died last month and after caring for her and my father who died 4 years ago, I have been struggling to figure out what I might enjoy. It’s been 15 years since I started driving them to appointments and checking in with them regularly. My father’s dementia continued to progress and they both started falling regularly. Before that, and during that, I raised 3 children. I haven’t had time to myself for so long that I don’t even know what I’m interested in. Anxiety and depression have plagued me for years, but are beginning to lessen.

Anyway, to answer your question, FB, yes. Yes, I know how you feel.

I can relate to all of you ! I recently decided to do something for myself so I got an hour back massage--it was wonderful and I am going back in 4 weeks! I also reached out to a friend who is a widow now but was in a very similar situation as I was and we are going out to lunch and then a solar eclipse event together-something to look forward to! I also have what I call my quiet time every day, reading my bible, praying, It brings me a lot of comfort and yes even peace and joy! Hope this will all help some of you.

Yes caregiving was a full time job. I gave up my business to care for my wife now that she is gone I find it difficult to get motivated to do anything.

I am 80 years old and have me caring for my semi-paralyzed husband for the past 10 years. Fortunately, I have a great family; his family is completely useless.
Although it is becoming physically difficult for me and am unable to get away without costing thousands of dollars, I maintain as much of a social life as possible.

I haven’t lost interest I’m just bummed I haven’t been able to paint in six years. My mom is 90 at about stage six. I did botanical watercolor art. My sister lives two hours away and comes up fairly often to give me a break. When she comes up I am so stressed I just don’t have the energy to paint. I usually use the time to catch up on other things in my life that have gone by the wayside. I do know that once she’s gone, I am looking forward to getting back into it. I just hope it’s sooner than later.

Yes. I just feel numb when I think about things I used to do for enjoyment. I'm all about survival.

Oh yeah. Sucks the life out of me.

I have similar feelings .
I have been a caregiver for most of my adult life . Now I am 66 years old and still caregiver for my 90 year old mom . My husband is 73 has mild cognitive impairment along with severe hearing loss .
I can no longer recover from my exhaustion . I have a short fuse and like you have lost interest in most things . I set boundaries and have the time to relax however I know I will never be free of this caretaking role .
I have read books on care giving and I have attended support groups and hired help . I am just plain tired no matter what .
Sounds whinny but most people who aren't long term caregivers are clueless to the toll it has on us .
All I can do is keep putting one foot in front of other and keep being grateful for my many other blessings ,

I can so relate. Mom passed two years ago and prior to that (2019) I became the person for doctor's appts., med dispensing, and pretty much managing my parents household. When my mother died, my responsibility was ramped up with caring for my dad who was almost immediately eligible for Hospice care because of increasingly worsening CHF. He's been receiving. services for over a year now and I'm wearing out. Boundaries are blurred and I feel time slipping away. I'm 73 and so much I want to do, has been put on the back burner. The only thing that excites me at this juncture is a good nights rest. I can only hope when this corner is turned I can take a deep breath and begin to search for that person who diminished bit by bit over the past five years. With a little luck, I'll find her. I hope you do too :)

I took a book out of the library a few weeks ago. I got to page two.

I find any of the things I liked to do now don’t keep my attention.

I lack the interest to do any fun activities that require effort.

Yes.

I also got extensive counseling.

I forgot to mention I go to bed and get plenty of hours of sleep but I find I still wake up exhausted.

I just wanted to say thanks to EVERYONE who has posted about my question. I'm in the process of reading all of them! I did not realize I had this many responses until about a couple of hours ago when I was feeling really down. Caregiving is hard and people can not fully understand unless they have been there! I want to enjoy life and have fun before it is too late. Keep the comments coming and I know we can all help each other in some way.

faithfulbeauty: It is imperative that you seek respite whenever possible even for short periods.

I sure have! Since caring for my husband, I had to sell my business, ending my 53 year career and all "friends" associated with it. We also must sell our house, that he built 50 years ago and I have lived here for 40+ years. Nothing interests me anymore. I think it's just being so tired and depressed about the direction our life has taken and I feel so alone, even though my sister helps me as much as she can. I'm not sure how to handle this either. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone

Yes I have, I aways loved working in my small shop doing wood working, tinkering with my hunting truck, working in my yard, fishing and hunting. But since my wife takes a lot of that time, I have put it off...She is in a stage now of shadowing me everwhere I go, even to the restroom.
I have grant that pays if I need a sitter but it is not enough if I want to get away for a whole day or two.
There seems to be something each day that wrecks any time really away for me.
Either someone coming to bath twice a week, taking her to a Caring Place for 6 hours or day of nurse coming to check her.
I wash her clothes often, changing her bed almost every day and hand bathing and days she is at the Caring Place I am grocery shopping or running some
errands.
So yes I understand, but all this seems to be a regret but far from it. I love her more than anything and will do for her as long as she needs me.
I do miss some of the mentioned but no counselling will cure that because it has to be done.

ME TOO! This is not how I planned to spend my retirement. It's walking such a thin line. I want him to live as long as possible because I love him, but I hate not having any help, never being able to leave the house because he is an invalid. I'm working on getting paid help a few hours a week, just so I can get out to do anything; but he only wants me! What my therapist has told me that makes sense is: "Remember, it won't be forever." He has been on hospice for five months and is not ready to die. "My time" is now, between 11pm and 1am, so tired. I think my interests will come back in time.

Yes. I get so tired and sad watching my mom decline that it affects my motivation and energy. But I just do what I can to replenish and restore energy by taking time to do things for me. It’s worth the effort.

I have been caring for my parents full time since Sept 2020. My dearly beloved Dad passed in Apr 2021 and I am so grateful for those months caring for him! I cont caring for my Mom (later stage dementia) and often feel as you do. Reading through the replies, I haven’t seen any remarks about prayer time.
For me, this is more of a calling, than a duty. And the times I spend w the Lord - whether reading daily offerings online, sharing with a friend, or praying in my time - is a balm, a respite that lasts well beyond the 2-30 minutes I spend with the Lord.
I hope you can find time for Him too.
You will begin to find peace, and then yourself again.

PS I am not a nun or anything; just a retired dietitian. I have bad days where I hate what I’m doing, the time I’m “losing” from my own life, my own goals, my hopes of dating! But I thank God for the time I have to give back to my parents, and for all the Blessings in my life leading up to this moment.
“Be grateful and happiness (your joy) will follow!” - that’s my mantra.

God Bless you all for doing the work of loving care. I hope this helps you.

Faithfulbeauty
You didn’t mention whether you had any sort of relief/help from families or friends.It is extremely important to have breaks. If you have a close family member or friend, perhaps you can help each other out.Your family member or friend can sit with your loved one for a few hours so that you can attend an exercise class, get a massage, or revisit another activity you enjoyed and then you do the same for him/her.

In my city, there are adult day care centers that are fairly inexpensive. Perhaps you can look to see if there are any in your area. The cool thing about the adult day centers is they allow your loved one to get engaged in an activity for a few hours so you can take a break. I would also look into your loved one’s insurance for senior healthcare benefits. Many times you can find really useful benefits through Medicare and AARP as well.

I’m not sure if you’re currently employed but many employers now offer free therapy to their employers. Look into that and take advantage of that as well. I do! This will give you an opportunity to vent and share your frustrations which can help free your mind of some of the emotional stress you’re facing.
Look into support groups in your area. You’re not alone and talking to others facing similar challenges is always helpful.


Make a list of some of the activities that you would like to resume and possibly new things you want to try - maybe a vision board! Hang it up. Having something that you can actually put eyes on daily that will remind you of the goals you set to be get back to doing life again. Commit to accomplishing the things that you want to do and the places you want to go noted on your vision board and start working on a plan. You can do it!

As I mentioned in my earlier post, my dad passed away recently. My parents were married 60 years so I know that my mom needs me more than ever but I’m not going to be any use to her if I crumble so I have to protect my mental and physical well-being just as much as hers. At the moment, basically she’s in very good shape physically for 80 yrs old. Cognitively not so great. I enrolled her in Zumba and sit and be fit classes at a local senior center and she loves it. It gets her out of the house and away from me so I can have at least a 4 hour break 4 days a week.

Now it’s not always sunshine and rainbows….she attempts at times to make me feel guilty for leaving her home or dropping her off when I want to get out without her but I’ve learned not to fall for it for my own sanity . I remind myself that it’s imperative to have “me time” and I go. PERIOD. Sometimes she throws a fit but I don’t care because I know she’s fine.

Sometimes I’ll just jump in the car, grab an ice cream, and just drive. Sometimes I’ll just take a walk in the park. Sometime I’ll grab lunch or dinner with friends. Sometimes I’ll simply stay home and “Netflix and chill “ but the goal is to do it without her so I can be in my own bubble - a break from caregiving.

Lastly I want to say this and this is EXTREMELY important for you to digest. The fact that you even posted this question and asked for advice shows what an incredible caring and loving individual you are. You didn’t have to step up and be a caregiver. You could’ve put that incredibly difficult task on someone else or a facility but you didn’t. You’re putting the needs of your loved one first which isn’t a horrible thing but you need to start balancing their needs with your needs. Your loved one is lucky to have you!!!

Remember to show yourself just as much love as you’re showing your loved one. Your mental well-being matters. Your physical well-being matters. Getting back to living life matters. Find time to meditate and pray. Very important if you’re a religious or spiritual person. The power behind sitting in silence is incredible.

You’ll be ok. You just need to pivot and create a new plan. Keep us posted on how you’re doing. We’re all here for you!

Yes. Thats depression, lack of interest in anything. But you can change that (and should). Try it in your own time but soon. Do something you love. No one will judge you for taking time to yourself. In fact I was told by a counselor my 1st step is to take care of myself FIRST, because if you don’t, you both drown. I felt my own sanity slipping at times and my closest friends and family saw it too. Bad. So, There must be a level of self preservation in this, and that includes living. Nature walks, music, cooking, games, whatever you enjoy.

So very true. I like to camp, fish, hunt. I don't do any of those things now because I can't let my partner be alone for several days. We do have caregivers who come in to help, but not AMs and PMs. I got some wonderful lures for Hannukah, but I wonder if I will ever use them. She gets worried when I leave the house to go grocery shopping!

Life is boring and bland; being able to read books electronically is my only pastime. Cooking is an outlet that I use since I enjoy it and we need to eat! I am having rather rigorous back surgery end of April so gardening, another get-outside thing I do, may not be possible.

I feel like I am in prison; my so-called golden years do not exist any longer. Laundry, poop, clean, cook. No, we don't have family to help out.

Wow -- it really helps to know that I'm not alone!

Being a caregiver is not for sissies...

I explained it to my husband that I don't feel human anymore. I've been spending more time with other family members and that has helped along with prayer and setting boundaries. It's such a tough road to go down. You might want to reach out to churches in your area that do free or low cost mental health counseling. Some have psychiatrists and therapists on staff or in their membership. I'm amazed how many our church has.

I am sorry others are experiencing what I am, but I am glad to know that it isn't just me being a less than stellar caregiver. I try to keep myself going, but the planning and logistics involved are overwhelming and even more so when the enthusiasm is gone. I am three years into this and feel as though I passed burnout a long time ago. My husband could easily last another 5-10 years. Not sure I can survive it