This is for those who are contemplating caregiving. I have verbal support of family and he has a veterans and secondary small retirement + SS.Not anywhere near wealthy. It has been a long process of proactive reasoning and planning to get him living in a safe place. My heart aches for those who have no way out.
Each situation is unique. As heartless as it sounds, Covid lockdown gave me time to think about me, my husband and our children n grands. We sold our home and moved closer to them, an easy 75 minute drive away. I plan visits 2-3 times a month and we FaceTime all without him knowing. He has previously made unsound decisions which have left me no choice to take control, with a durable POA, to keep my sanity. If you foresee a similar situation, I caution you. Get a POA! Don’t let guilt or past promises get in the way of living a healthy life.
Your story serves to remind others that they do have choices and taking care at the expense of your own well being is NOT the only way.
Yep, I got 'Voluntold' and now I'm stuck in a huge, steaming pile of misery, negativity, and drudgery with no way to shovel myself out.
I'm sharing in your joy right now that you were able to find a good, safe place for your father where he will be properly looked after. You don't sound heartless either. The Covid lockdown gave a lot of caregivers a bit of respite that they otherwise would never have had. It even gave me a little bit because my mother wasn't able to add any new doctors to her already Lourve-sized collection of them and her current collection weren't seeing patients in person. Unnecessary doctor's appointments are my mother's favorite social activity. They give her a new audience to complain to. So this meant I got a break from what was prior to Covid lockdown nearly daily doctor's appointments of some kind. I'm happy for you that you got out from under the heavy and miserable burden of elder caregiving.
The first night she was gone I had the best full nights sleep.