My 88-year-old dad’s primary care doctor diagnosed him with early-stage dementia based on how my dad acts at home. However, my dad always passes the standard test at various doctor appointments with flying colors: he knows the president, the year, the answers to the questions asked 5 minutes earlier, etc.
But today, when I was over his house doing the things to be done, he told me that a week prior, his dad (who died in 1957) told him to take better care of his mother (died in 1985) and to help his brother (died in 1953) paint his house. My dad was dead serious telling me this. I looked at my dad and told him they were all gone and asked if he was trying to be silly. My dad started laughing and said yes, he was being funny.
This isn’t the first time that he’s done this - but it’s always something different - not always about deceased relatives.
I’m beginning to wonder if my dad is just playing these not so funny tricks and maybe he’s still mentally all there. I just don’t know what to think of this!
And plenty of people with mental illness end up in jail which is very sad , while others fake and claim mental illness as their defense in court to get out of going to jail .
oops sorry , I meant for this to show up as a reply near the bottom of this thread.
To reply to this, my own experiences mean that I would never discount the possibility that difficult parents are deliberately 'faking’ all sorts of verbal and physical issues, for their own purposes. Unfortunate but truly possible!
It is called showtiming. Usually it means they are able to pull themselves together for an appointment like your dad did. I have also seen where they act WORSE with a doctor as well. Why? For sympathy? I am not sure.
When mom went to the optometrist she claimed she couldn’t even see the technician waving at her. She couldn’t read anything but the letter ‘E’ on the eye chart. When the optometrist told her there was no point getting glasses then suddenly she started to read all of the lines on the chart and even some fine print. The optometrist was amazed given that she said she couldn’t even see the technician waving. She said elderly people sometimes just get too lazy to read which might be true.
My sister thinks my mom is playing games when she does stuff like this and sometimes I do, too. She definitely acts a lot more helpless around us than she does when she is on her own or with her caregiver. For example, when we go out with her she will often have mismatched socks and even mismatched shoes sometimes. We often have to make her go back inside to find the matching shoe. We are able to watch her (via webcam) go out with her caregiver and not once - NOT ONCE! - has she ever had mismatched shoes or socks. With us she forgets her purse or her debit card all the time but it has happened only once with the caregiver.
Not sure if she is playing games with us or just tries harder when she knows the caregiver is present but it has us question what she is or is not capable of all the time.
However, there are certain things that she says or does that allow me to know there really are problems. For example, putting ice cream away in the fridge (where it melts) and Coke in the freezer (where it explodes). She can’t do even basic addition or subtraction. She can’t remember the name of the President although she recognizes his face and will know who we are talking about if we say it. Stuff like that.
I suspect your dad is not kidding when he says what he says. He is lying about kidding when you catch him because he realizes he slipped and it could get him into trouble. He is able to pull it together for the doctor. With my mom people (even doctors) think she is fine talking to her for 10 minutes but talk to her for 2 hours and you see the disturbing reality. My one sister doesn’t see mom often and only has short conversations with her. She thinks mom is doing fine. She doesn’t experience half of the delusions and confusion and nonsense that only comes out with prolonged contact.
I would tell your dad’s doctor about what you have noticed. There are medications that can slow the progression of dementia if he gets on them early enough.
The most well known dementia is the forgetful, very poor short term memory of Alzheimer's Disease. This can vary a lot in the early stages to Lewy Body's or Vascuar Dementia, Parkinson's Dementia or other types.
Think of it this way, brains have so many neurotransmitters. I guess this 'wiring' gets a little faulty as we age. Not all the lights will go on everytime. They can flicker.
No need to correct. Just go with it.
When my mother was in the hospital, she demanded a baby doll to “bring a baby home “ . I went out and bought a baby doll . She knew it wasn’t real , but she insisted on being wheeled out of the hospital in a wheelchair , like a young mother , holding the baby doll, like a newborn wrapped in a blanket for attention . She had five real kids , I guess she liked the attention when she left the hospital and brought us home too .
It’s also possible he may be aware he’s having them and tried to hide it by saying he’s being silly .
Time to follow up in with a neurologist .
Good luck .
He was perfectly capable of looking after himself when I last saw him. He had been admitted to a very nice subsidised NH in a pleasant part of Cornwall, England. The fake ‘dementia’ would have been the only possible justification. I’m very glad that I inherited his brains but not his character.
So it might be worth thinking about what your father is getting out of this ‘quirky’ behavior?
I paid a courtesy visit to the DON of the home. After some delicate questions from her I said straight out that I thought he was faking, and she said she had suspected it but couldn’t be sure. We agreed that the risk was that faking too much could make it come true.
That said, dementia sufferers notoriously want to go home to see their parents and siblings, not realizing they're deceased. They regress in time, mentally, until they're boys once again when times were carefree and they lived with their parents and siblings. As my mother's dementia advanced, she insisted on "riding the subway" to go see her mother and sisters. We live in Colorado....her mother would have been 137 years old and she was remembering their apartment in Queens N.Y.
One of the earliest signs mom displayed of her dementia was when she'd introduce me as her mother. The first time she did that, I turned around to look at her, expecting to see her laughing. She wasn't. She was dead serious! I knew right then she was speeding down the dementia highway. From then on, I was her mother. Sigh.
Lastly, dementia is not linear. They have good days and bad days. Days where they act practically incoherent and the next day they're back to perfectly normal. It keeps you off guard, this ever changing behavior, that's for sure!
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet about dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. Lots of Do's and Don't tips for dealing with dementia sufferers are suggested in the booklet.
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Educate yourself about what lies ahead as dementia progresses. Knowledge is power.
Best of luck
What you are describing sound like hallucinations that seem very real to him. This could be a Lewy's dementia or other dementias that manifest somewhat the same. It isn't enough to ask the questions you mention. My own brother, with a dx of probable early Lewy's could do the president four back, and answer all questions. However, he was having hallucinations, VERY REAL in manifestation, that he could describe perfectly down to what everyone involved in this imaginary thing wore. He had some other signs. Poor balance, getting more poor. Very occ. and rare swallow problems that would come on suddenly. Momentary lapse into silence.
Time for a good workup. I cannot myself even begin to imagine anyone "pretending" to be demented unless there is mental illness involved, and if that's the case a good neuro psych MD will be on it.
By the way, his last ‘respite’ (at least on that trip to Oz) was the one in Sydney (third in a row) where he bragged to me about having sex with another resident who couldn’t remember it in the morning. He said that her relatives took her out of the place. He was probably evicted, but of course he never would have admitted that! Never underestimate nasty people!