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Who are you caring for?
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How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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It’s takes a heart to ensure your parent is properly cared for. Many elders deteriorate to a point where they need A VILLAGE to take care of them. One person is not a village. Many here do not have siblings that are able and willing to be part of the village. Everyone here who’s parent is in LTC or at home with hired caregivers is still a caregiver and is still taking care of their parents. Taking care of your parents is more than just hands on work. And let me tell you, you have to have a big heart to realize your parents need MORE care than you can provide & to make the heart wrenching decision to place them in AL or memory care or a nursing home. It’s not a decision you can make if you are weak and heartless.
Sometimes the real question may be, "Do you have the heart to do what is best for your parents and secure the professional care they need?" It is heart-wrenching and difficult, but sometimes the only choice.
According to your profile, you are helping care for your mother who lives in Independent Living. So I'm not sure what question you are asking here........since your mother is obviously able to take care of herself to some degree, if she's living independently, right?
We all have 'heart'. We're all human. We're all here on a care givers site either caring for a loved one, or multiple loved ones, in our homes, or in their homes, or in residential care home settings..........but that's what we're all doing. Including you, it sounds like. To the best of our abilities. I'm not thinking any of us have thrown our loved ones out in the street to fend for themselves & scrounge around for food.
While your question may not be judgmental, it's coming off that way. Maybe you should expand on what you're really trying to say or to ask here.
I think in an ideal world our parents would all be sweet and loving and kind and as children we would have an endless amount of time, money and an infinite amount of resources to look after them until they died sweetly and peacefully at home surrounded by love.
But that's not realistic is it? Some of us were blessed with wonderful parents and even then it wasn't within our abilities or financial means to take care of them ourselves. Then there are those on the other side who had abusive parents who never provided the love and stability a child deserves and still were taken care of until the end by children who were not under any obligation to do this but made the sacrifice anyhow.
I was one of the lucky ones. I had a kind, loving mother and I tried to keep her at home and look after her until I just could not anymore. But I still made sure she was looked after properly at the nursing home until she declined and eventually passed.
So to say "How do you not have the heart" is a broad statement. Sometimes having the heart is just not enough.
Also, many caregivers have multiple people in need in their families, so they have to triage. At one time, I had three elderly parents with health problems, a husband with health problems and I worked full time. One day, two parents were in the same hospital, I was checking on the third and my husband had just been dx'd with PD. I was getting two hours sleep and my wise son told me something had to give. My husband was my first priority, one parent went into AL and the other two brought in help and we helped where we could. It wasn't about heart - it was about what was humanly possible. I couldn't personally do hands on care for all, but I saw that they were cared for right thru their last hospital stays.
My "gift" is not Caregiving. I just don't have the stamina or the strength.
Our parents are "leaving past their experation date" as my daughter who is an RN says. You have a 90+ year old who is nearly deaf and vision is not good. You are his/her daughter who is in her Mid sixties and senior too. Then there's where the child has their own health issues trying to care for a parent.
I have noticed lately there are a number of forty somethings caring for 60/70 year olds. This people work and still have children. Throw Dementia into all this or narcissism and it becomes very hard.
Its not that people don't have the heart, its that they may not be able to.
Your question does come off judgmental. Not everyone can live like the Waltons. Not everyone can quit their job to take care of someone who could not be bothered to plan for their own future. Seriously....I am shocked at the number of people who say they quit their jobs to care for someone then are shocked they have no money to live on.
Not everyone is able to do hands on care giving. I am 53 and my husband is 71. I will do my best to care for him at home when the times comes but there are limitations.....if I cannot leave him alone for more than an hour at a time, if he gets violent or verbally nasty, if the work becomes 24/7 and more than one person can handle...then he will have to go to a NH. My father is 93. Just on personality alone I could not do hands on care giving. That does not make me a bad person. I am smart enough to know what my limitations are.
If your mom is in independent living, I do not think you have a clue what dementia can do to a person. My mom is 100 and lives with me. Many, many nights she is up EVERY hour. This means I do not get a good nights sleep. I have to go put her back in bed and stop from falling. This cannot go on forever. I am 66 and hope to work till 70 but there are weeks I don't know if I can do it.
Come back to us when your mom has dementia and you are forced with more difficult choices. Of course, your answer is your mom will go to NH or memory care, like many people here. Not certain why are you calling any heartless
For many people it is simply not possible. It's not a question of "heart", its a problem that involves time, ability and money. Often children need to work and can't be home and don't have help from others or financial means to hire outside help. That's why we have AL and MC and SNF's. I'm not sure what you are getting at but hopefully that helps answer your general question.
Taking care of an elder doesn't necessarily mean providing hands on care; it can mean making sure the elder receives the hands on care they need from in home help or a LTC facility. After helping my mother provide my father's in home care for nearly 2 decades, the time came when he wasn't safe at home and trying to keep him safe was destroying my mother's health so Dad had to enter an MC. It was very difficult to do, but both parents' health immediately improved.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
We all have 'heart'. We're all human. We're all here on a care givers site either caring for a loved one, or multiple loved ones, in our homes, or in their homes, or in residential care home settings..........but that's what we're all doing. Including you, it sounds like. To the best of our abilities. I'm not thinking any of us have thrown our loved ones out in the street to fend for themselves & scrounge around for food.
While your question may not be judgmental, it's coming off that way. Maybe you should expand on what you're really trying to say or to ask here.
Have a great day.
But that's not realistic is it? Some of us were blessed with wonderful parents and even then it wasn't within our abilities or financial means to take care of them ourselves. Then there are those on the other side who had abusive parents who never provided the love and stability a child deserves and still were taken care of until the end by children who were not under any obligation to do this but made the sacrifice anyhow.
I was one of the lucky ones. I had a kind, loving mother and I tried to keep her at home and look after her until I just could not anymore. But I still made sure she was looked after properly at the nursing home until she declined and eventually passed.
So to say "How do you not have the heart" is a broad statement. Sometimes having the heart is just not enough.
Our parents are "leaving past their experation date" as my daughter who is an RN says. You have a 90+ year old who is nearly deaf and vision is not good. You are his/her daughter who is in her Mid sixties and senior too. Then there's where the child has their own health issues trying to care for a parent.
I have noticed lately there are a number of forty somethings caring for 60/70 year olds. This people work and still have children. Throw Dementia into all this or narcissism and it becomes very hard.
Its not that people don't have the heart, its that they may not be able to.
Not everyone is able to do hands on care giving. I am 53 and my husband is 71. I will do my best to care for him at home when the times comes but there are limitations.....if I cannot leave him alone for more than an hour at a time, if he gets violent or verbally nasty, if the work becomes 24/7 and more than one person can handle...then he will have to go to a NH. My father is 93. Just on personality alone I could not do hands on care giving. That does not make me a bad person. I am smart enough to know what my limitations are.
Come back to us when your mom has dementia and you are forced with more difficult choices. Of course, your answer is your mom will go to NH or memory care, like many people here. Not certain why are you calling any heartless
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