Can a Healthcare POA keep a family member from seeing his mother, who desperately wants to see him?

The Guardian ad Litem will report back to the Judge on the condition and competency of the patient. Although mom "wants to be back where she is happy", please don't count on mom leaving the nursing home. My guess is she will stay there, you will be allowed to visit, and an impartial guardian will be appointed. Impartial means it won't be a family member.

Know that there are always 2 sides to every coin. I am my Mother's POA and have had to make some very difficult decisions. Not from control but for Mom's protection from family.

I am 1 of 4 daughters. The youngest daughter has been in and out of rehab for years and it was recently discovered that she has drain ALL of Mom's accounts, savings, had Mom co-sign on 2 loans that equaled over $10,000 that she defaulted on and left Mom holding the bag on, to the point of Mom having to sell her house before she lost it too. We became suspicious when Mom wasn't paying her bills and utilities were being shut off. That is when I get involved and went back through her finances over the past 3 years and found all kinds of "theft." We had Mom tested in which she was diagnosed with Moderate Dementia and Alzheimer's. The Dr. suggest assisted living. We moved Mom into a wonderful facility. The addict sibling had made numerous calls daily the first 3 days Mom was there and upset Mom to the point of Mom having to be sedated several times. Mom could not stop crying hysterically for hours. In good faith, I called the sibling, and asked her again to not call Mom until Mom had been on her meds long enough to become stable. I was called by the facility manager and was told the calls were still coming in and that the calls were still upsetting Mom. I was advised to take Mom's phone or her charger to keep the sibling from calling and upsetting Mom. The sibling then started calling and threatening the facility and the family since she had no way to contact Mom, had no money and no place to go. The threats and harassment still continue to this day even when she is in rehab.

I have had to make the decision, in my Mom's best interest to NOT let my Mom have any contact with the sibling who is the addict. And the facility has made the decision to politely ask her to leave or have her escorted and taken away by police. This is being done to protect my Mom and other tenants from a known predator and from possible abuse.

See, my addict sister has options, but my Mom does not. It is my duty to protect my Mom and I am doing it and will continue to do it until my addict sister changes or Mom passes. Until real change, my addict sister will never be allowed to talk to Mom or see her.

So sorry for anyone who is locked down tight from visitations, but there could just be warrant for such action. If you were to talk to my addict sister, she is street smart and has the ability to lie/con the best of the best and spin a web so tight that you would believe and feel sorry for her until you realized your wallet was missing, or you couldn't find the watch or ring you must have misplaced.... Been there done that, bought the T-shirt.

Just know there are 2 sides and be informed before passing judgement on those of us who are truly trying to protect our parents from predators who are usually family with a known history. I have talked to numerous Dr.'s, nursing facilities, government agencies and have found this to be a HUGE problem that is under reported and often overlooked and swept under the carpet due to family embarrassment.

I hope this has been a help to someone.

With guardianship, there is a court hearing. Show up and tell the judge what you think

my brother and his girlfriend are trying to get guardianships for mom and going to try to keep my mom from seeing me or talking to me they already change the phone number and will not give it to me .just didnt know if they could do that

Music Girl - that is fabulous! I am so happy to see this news! Good for you for fighting for this to happen and great that you got someone that listened. I am sending you big hugs that you got to have a visit - Way to go, girl!

You and the guardian ad litem have my prayers!! (Not to mention my admiration for taking it to court and getting things changed...some people seem to just give up and would have been too intimidated, but not you all!. Way to go.)

By the way, the Ombudsman was NOT helpful in our case. She said she didn't ask my mom if she was happy, because the poa forbid it. Hello?? How is that looking out for the elderly? We now have a guardian ad litum, who hopefully will be diligent and seek what my mother really wants.

Update: After being told by the administrator that the poa would allow no phone calls to my mom, or visits, and the police would be called if we disobeyed the orders, we went to see her anyway. Sure enough the police were called and we had to leave. Went immediately to the court, filed for guardianship, had an emergency hearing the next day. The judge ordered unrestricted visits and telephone calls to me and all her children. YES! The poa wasn't too happy to have her "control" and motives challenged, but we prevailed. Court hearing coming up. It is a shame we had to go through that, would much rather be united and peaceful, but if the poa absolutely doesn't want peace and unity and intent on getting her way, she needed to be judged. The most important thing is that my mom and I got to spend quality time together, which we were both very happy about. Thanks for everyone's support. I wish you all the best! Pray for a wonderful outcome that is in the best intetest of my sweet (but currently miserable) mother, who wants to be back where she is happy.

In the domestic violence world isolation is one form of abuse; so in this case you have elder abuse, isolation. call adult protective services immediately

My stepmom passed on Tuesday. Guess how I found out about it? An email yesterday. You make sure you fight to see your loved one. Anyone that keeps someone away from someone that wants to see them needs to have the POA taken away.

i just don't understand people who do this. How about calling the legal aid society and definately the alz 800 number for assistance. Look for pro bono lawyers;

there is an ombudsman and they get help from the state and report to the state. i don't know the name of the state department that would handle that unfortunately.
get the address of your local ombudsman and go physically to the address. also go to the nearest hospital and see if they have the same ombudsman listed; it is usu up on a wall for all to see.

I agree with the answers given above. Unless the POA can show just cause, they cannot deny access. I would immediately contact Adult Protective Services, they could at least arrange for a supervised visit, AND force the POA to show just cause as to reason she is making the so difficult for you. I'm sorry for your difficulty and hope you can see your Mom before she passes. My prayers are with you. Sue

POAs can be removed if they are not acting in the best interest of their person. This may be manageable with a call to Adult Protective Services if it is blatant enough, or it may take an eldercare attorney to unravel. Maybe even just the threat of making a challenge to it would make your parent's POA reconsider her stance...or at least level iwth you about the "no reason" she does not want brother to have contact. There could be a good reason, but them you'd think at least a supervised visit would make sense. If its a fabricated reason, you could pretend to believe it, but then take that to the attorney.

I'm thinking the ombudsman may not call back because only the person themself or the POA can discuss confidential issues.

As far as calling the police, I am under the impression that the police can't do anything unless a restraint order is is place or some sort of illegal activity is happening. This ongoing argument between family members is heartbreaking for everyone concerned, I agree it must be hurtful to your Mom. I wonder if adult protective could help you in this matter. I think it would be good to have a list of specific incidences when you talk to adult protective

I have just gone through this last week. I bought a very expensive plane ticket to go see my stepmom in Kansas. I was sent an email by her sister who has the POA that if I was to show up that I would be denied access. I called the administrator and was told that the holder of the POA has that power to make that decision. My stepmom is probably going to pass this week and I was denied seeing her. I'm very lucky to have flown out 3 weeks ago to see her when we had a great time but then she went downhill rapidly. I also called the Ombudsman for the state of Kansas and got absolutely no return phone call. I feel so badly for you and my heart has been breaking since my stepmom can no longer speak now. Last week was perfect timing and someone took that right away from me. I would call the administrator and I would seek legal aid in your town. The POA has to show just cause to the court of why they are keeping someone away - you're a danger, etc. Unfortunately there is no time left for me but I would petition the court if you have the time and ask for an emergency hearing.