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My elderly person has Borderline personality disorder. They do not want to live alone and are doing everything possible to not live alone. Everything I've read on the internet seems that most elderly want to remain independent as long and as much as possible. Mine does not. There is no physical reason for not being independent, the person is healthy enough physically and mentally. I don't want to give a lot of details because the internet is a lot less anonymous then one would think. My person recently lost their spouse and now is refusing to take responsibility for their life.


I don't know what to do. Living with me is not an option due to the BPD. If you know anything about that you will understand what it is like to be a child of BPD parent.


How do I keep my person living independently?

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I’m not sure you can keep another person living independently. You’re wise to know not to have the person live with you. Keep that boundary firm. Offer ideas such as hiring a helper or moving where help is available but leave it at that, the decision and responsibility is theirs
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How old is this person? Are you their PoA or legal guardian? What state does the person live in? What financial means does this person have (house, savings, assets, pension, SS, nothing)? If this is your parent you are not legally, morally or ethically bound to provide their care. It's hard to give advice with so few details.
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Suggest that your person moves into respite care in an appropriate facility for a period of mourning. If the person takes to the community and its lifestyle, you could dodge a lot of future bullets this way, too.
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