I want to know how to help understand mom has dementia is forgetting to bath eat her doctor says she would benefit in an assistant living but that would be her choice but she was put in an assistant living by my sister but she doesn't know it because my sister tells her she's in the hospital my mom doesn't want to be there my sister has POA without consulting with the rest of her siblings my mom said she never gave my sister that right how can we have rights to POA the reason she ended up on assistant living is because my sister wasn't making sure she was taken her medication eatting so my mom now become dehydrated and malnutrition and taken to the hospital from there they told me she wasn't being taken care of and needs to be with someone that will care for her so my sister just tells them to put her in assistant living we were all upset because my sister never call me to inform us what was happening with our mom I don't live near several hours away I feel my sister negated my mom so this would be easy for her to just put her away my sibling and I are very angry my sister did this I feel and I know if my mom live near me this would never happen what can I do I want to help bring my mom to live near me where I know I can help look out for her well being and she has the rest of the family that would help please advise me I already got infor from a lawyer but my sister is not making it easy we just want to help mom
My Mother has some dementia but it isn't very bad, yet. Her short term memory is terrible but her long term memory is great. To be perfectly honest, if I had known what I was getting into, I would have let my siblings put her in a NH. That will sound selfish to some of you but I feel like I have lost the sweet, caring Mother who raised me. It makes it hard on your spouse because you can't go places with them and you are too tired to really care.
The last two years were the worst. You are feeding,bathing,diapers and watching someone you love slip away. She was not bed riden so that kept me on my toes because she could get up and be out the door before you knew it.
So maybe your sister was doing this for you siblings not to have to make the decisio, I don't know but I do think it worth you all going to some support groups to get a better idea of what you will be accepting as a fulltime job caring for a demetia patient before anyone throws stones. I wish you all the best and please know we all here on this site are here to give an opinion looking in from the outside and never never passing judgements. We are all for supporting each of us with the cards we have been dealt. Good Luck and please follow up with us all and let us know how you are doing. I care and we all care. Best to you always.........Lisa
Sigh. When the basic problem is loss of memory, it is pretty hard to rely on a reminder system they have to remember to use!
You might try giving your mother 7 envelopes each week for her to open one each day. Inside the envelope in large type. Today day I shall take a bath, or something like that, even a picture of a tub.
Plus, Today, I am hungry, it is time to eat.
Just a suggestion. More caregiver tips:
Nurses and acquaintances always tell me how sweet and adorable mom is. I think of it as her "Date night" behavior, LOL.
It's so hard when these issues have not been put in writing before the dementia sets in.
The hospice team had met with my sister and I and propsed and agreed that my sister make sure that I have a day away from caring from mum.Up to now, I am still waiting for that offer(it is already 3 months!!! I need advice to deal with the situation' Caution my sister has resisted comments/suggestions from counsellor. medicos and 'friends' re working together-her replies have been' I don't taake to any advice by anyone, I do as I likee; don'r tell me what to do. In contrast I just 'seek out for advice to deal with mum 's demand Juliek
Discussions about money are unpleasant but necessary. you never know how long your mother will live and need care. So, it is not greedy, it is wise for your sister to be concerned about costs in order to make sure that the money will not run out while your mom still needs it. Please take a deep breath and be grateful that your mom can afford assisted living.
I have no idea how diligent your sister has been and whether there may have been some neglect going on. But I do know that dementia reaches a point where it is extremely hard to provide adequate supervision unless you are on the scene 24/7. That is why a care center is often a much safer choice than anyone trying to keep on top of things with daily or more frequent visits.
As for your mother not giving authority to the POA sister ... Mother's signature had to be witnessed by a notary, so she definitely agreed to it at one time. The fact that she doesn't remember doing it should not surprise you. She has dementia!
You've talked to a lawyer so you probably know that only Mother can decide to appoint someone else as POA, and since her dementia is worse now she may not be legally competent to do that.
As Yellowbird suggests, the really important thing now is to do what is best for Mother. If at all possible, all of the sibs working together would be a much better use of emotional energy than fighting over who gets to make decisions.