I am about to lose my sh*t. My mother who I have always been close with is now someone else. I am pretty sure she has mid stage dementia..I can see the difference in her talking and problem solving etc...
Over the last 10 years I have noticed slight changes..like how she has become a victim of everything.. 3 years ago she got winter depression and put on anti depressants. (She takes them when she wants too).
But this last year she has become so mean and argumentative that I can't hold a conversation with her. I am really trying to bite my tongue but some of the stuff she wants to do, I have to say no to and that starts an argument.
She lives with me and has for the last 20 years. She can still handle her daily stuff for the most part but I do try and cook more for her to get her to eat but now she doesn't want that either.
She is miserable and complains about her tastebuds and everything else going on in the universe. We can't afford a nursing home so she is here with me.
I have my 18 year old daughter in the house with me who for the most part she is fine with.. It is just me she fights with. I try and not talk to her because everything sets her off.
She is also hoarding but won't let anyone in her room.. we have a mother in law apt attached to the house. I am at my wits end and don't know what to do.
Thanks for the rant!
PS I can't get her tested because she seriously thinks all her faculties are intact.
I always made my notes one pg typed in 14 font.
Note can say pretty much what you say here that you have seen changes overtime but this last year has been worse then listing the problems.
There is medication that can help Mom. If the Dr feels its Dementia then have him refer Mom to a Neurologist. If the meds help, then you may have the old Mom back. Dementia is a progressive desease. There may come a time that Moms care is more than u can handle. Thats when you have her evaluated for 24/7 care and placed in a NH with Medicaid contributing to her care. Her SS and any pension will be required to offset the cost of that care.
She has a doc appt this coming week, I will call ahead and ask them to maybe see about some of those test.. She is really good at faking the funk for the 15-20 min she is at the doctor. You have to be around her longer to notice anything.
thank you for the input.
Exposing your teenage daughter to the toxic environment your mother has created is a bad thing, for her AND for you. 20 years is way too long for this living arrangement to have lasted, and for everyone's sake, it's time to end it now, while there's still some semblance of a relationship left between you and your mother.
Right now, your mother is in charge and running (and ruining) your entire household. It's time for YOU to take charge now and get her tested for dementia and then OUT of your house permanently. If the 911 call won't work, tell her Medicare now requires an annual physical be done for all elders, PERIOD. She'll need an appointment scheduled right away with her PCP for a battery of tests o/w her Medicare coverage will be cancelled and you can't have that, naturally. Make the appointment yourself and drive her there, kicking & screaming if necessary. And let the PCP know ahead of time what's happening, with the argumentative behaviors, the hoarding, the taste bud changes, all of it. And request he give her a MoCA or SLUMS cognition exam to see where she falls on the dementia scale. You've got to start somewhere!
Best of luck taking your life and your home back; you and your daughter deserve it!
Quit paying attention to her unless she voices a medical complaint. When she does, that’s when you pay attention. Oh, your tastebuds hurt, let’s see if a trip to the doctor won’t help. When she agrees, put her in the car and social admit her thru the er.
If they bill her, so what? She doesn’t have any money and I doubt her credit rating matters to anyone anymore.