In the past 3 weeks she has changed drastically and refuses water and food. She mainly sleeps now and when she last spoke to her in home caregiver she prayed for God to forgive her for the way she treated her sons, one of which is my dear friend. She muttered she wants to go home. My heart aches for him, as I don't have the words...everything I think to say sounds so cliche'. What have others experienced that helps the surviving grieving family left behind?
I'm sort of opposed to trying to make the mourner be positive. I think it can be harder to lose a bad parent than a good one. For myself and for others I have talked to, I prefer to have my listener agree with me about how bad things are. That gives me the mental space to recognize the possibilities for the future.
One thing about losing a parent is that the parent isn't really gone. For better or worse, he or she continues to speak to you inside your head for the rest of your life.
The best way to be supportive of your friend is to remind him of good times he spent with his mom and ask him to tell you about good and meaningful experiences with her. Sometimes there is a feeling of guilt, if so let him purge himself of it, that's what best friends are for, but rather than allowing yourself to commiserate too deeply, try to prevent him back to something positive.