My mom is now in assisted living/memory care and they want to keep her out of her room in the common area, because she’s a fall risk, and I get it, but shes a loner and gets upset with all the noise and chaos. She lived on her own for almost 30 years up until just a few months ago. The hospice nurses are advocating for more quiet time in her room for her, but the staff is pushing back. I feel like it’s mostly because it’s easier to keep an eye on the residents if they are all together, but it’s just so overstimulating for Mom. The tv is always loud, and her hearing is perfect. They say she’ll adjust, everyone else there has. Am I expecting too much?

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My mom was the same way. She had always been more comfortable with her own company. Strangers, loud noises, too many people talking and general activity made her so nervous. She refused to eat in the dining room, I was very specific about her needs before I placed her.

They ended up delivering food to the room. I created activities that gave her something to do on her own. She had only one social activity she loved, (throwing the beach ball)…who knows why that caught her attention.

In the five months she was there, they never really watched her at the level they promised. It was frustrating but the staff was just not capable or numerous enough to do what they had committed to. It is SO much easier when residents are socially comfortable.

I visited every day for a couple of hours, fed her a good meal, took her into the garden, made sure she was bathed, made sure her skin was moisturized, etc. Folding towels, sorting buttons and thread for activities (she was a seamstress). I did much more than I expected to do when I placed her but I did have some relief from taking care of her at home.

ALF’s are not staffed for the introverted residence. They brag about the beautiful dining room and all the activities but for some that is not an advantage.
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My husbands cousin was special needs. After his mother died a brother took him in. They had a small family room next to the kitchen they made a bedroom out of. It was separated by a wall with an Opening over the sink in the kitchen. There were two doorways at each end. Since he was pretty much bedbound, it was thought that with the doorways and the opening he would see them coming and going and he would not feel as lonely. He had a nurse who came regularly to see him. She told the brother that actually he needed downtime. That seeing them all the time was raising his sugar levels. (Living with Mom, he was closed off from the rest of the house) So, doors were put on the doorways and shutters on the opening. After lunch every day, he was closed of for a couple of hours for some peace and quiet and a nap. He was not alone, he had had his cat. I would think Moms B/P would go up too if she is agitated.

I am with Lea here about the Hospice Nurses, but I think the Nurses need to talk to the director. As professionals, they know much more than aides. What gets me, its well known that those with Dementia do not do well with too much going on around them.
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If moms hospice nurses are advocating for her to have more alone time in her MC room, then speak to the Executive Director about this immediately. I wouldn't take NO for an answer in this case, so make sure your wishes are made perfectly clear!
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You are correct. Mom needs in facility hospice now or she needs perhaps some hired in care so she can remain in her room. ALF really isn't for someone with this much need; they aren't staffed for it in the way that MC is.
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I agree with you. Having her in the common room is easier for them not her. Tell them you understand what they are telling you but it is not good for Mom. It causes agitation and that is not good for her. She likes her peace and quiet. If you need to, get a note from her doctor. The TV. Find out what level is good for Mom and put a note on the TV. "Mom has no hearing problems. Please don't set the volume passed #16. She is sensitive to loud sounds.

On normal TV I don't go passed #14. When I stream, I have to put it higher. I am so with ur Mom. I like my peace. I don't do well in chaosv either. I won't go to Texas Roadhouse because they have the music so loud that people need to talk over it. I can't take it. Yes Mom needs to adjust, but they need to adjust to her likes and dislikes. She pays big money to be there.
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