Helping mother with dementia getting off the commode. Any suggestions?

If the commode faces a wall, you can install horizontal grab bar for your mom to hold onto while she's being cleaned.

Fair warning, my mother, with Dementia, was still being taken to the toilet several times a day (for dignity, I suppose; she wore pull-ups). There was a grab bar and the aide would say, "now grab the bar Mrs. A". The aide was supposed to check that she had done so.

One day, the aide did not glance up to see if mom had grabbed; she hadn't. Mom fell, hit her head, broke her wrist and died about a week later.

If you install a bar, you HAVE to check that she has grabbed EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Nothing you can do; if your mother is incapable of standing up, even for short periods of time, then you'll have to ditch the commode entirely and relegate her to using Depends exclusively. It's too dangerous to risk having her fall down while trying to clean her up after using the commode or the toilet, so it should be avoided in the name of safety.

Best of luck.

Seems like she should be in a facility where a team of professionals takes care of her. Sometimes you have to accept that the caregiving has turned a corner and you can no longer handle it. Keeping her safe is the first priority now.

I'm not seeing that anyone mentioned using a gait belt. When my husband(who had little to no leg strength)was completely bedridden, I hired an aide to come in the mornings to put him on the bedside commode so he could poop(yes, thankfully he was usually a morning pooper.) When he was done, she would hold him up using the gait belt, and I would wipe him, clean him up and put on a new diaper. The aide would then get my husband back in the bed all the while using the gait belt. It worked great, and made life much easier for my husband and myself as I was his 24/7 caregiver.

I don’t have any good answers, I just want to say I am in awe of all of you. I also notice it’s almost always the daughter doing the heavy lifting. God bless all of you.

My mom wore pull-ups 24/7 the last year of her life. I always cleaned and changed her while she sat on the toilet. To clean, I used a squirt bottle with long tip (for postpartum use) to clean her front and back, and dried her with toilet paper. Then I slipped on a new pull-up AND pants over her feet while she was still on the toilet, then helped her up and pulled both the pull-up and pants in place.

My mother had dementia, and gradually her legs weakened until she "forgot" how to stand and walk. She couldn't help it. It went along with her mental and physical decline. At some point, your mother may not be able to stand and may need assistance tranferring from the bed to a wheel chair. This happened to my mother, and she was like a dead weight, it sometimes took 2 people to transfer her, even though she weighed only 90 lbs at that point. Eventually, she was not able to sit unattended in a wheel chair - she'd lean forward reaching for things and fall out of the chair. She had to use a geri chair, which was covered by Hospice. Geri chairs recline and you can't fall out from a reclining position. When my mother got to this point, the aides at her facility cut her out of her Depends and used wipes to clean her in the bed, with a disposable pad below her.

Yes, a toilet transfer chair.
something like this (maybe not this exact one, but go on amazon and you'll find plenty)

https://serenelivingco.com/products/the-commode-pro?currency=USD&utm_medium=cpc&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=Google%20Shopping&gclid=Cj0KCQjw852XBhC6ARIsAJsFPN3pMl5rTxGU_FS-lO8ZbVcxv7qRA3mLFxMAhrgmWGtxMS9hQh58euYaAuu3EALw_wcB

It has hydraulics to lift the person up and down on the toilet. Because of the opening, you can use a cleaning wand to clean her up without having to have her stand.

Someone has already mentioned using a portable commode because when you remove the pail you have better access to clean. The first one below is one I have for my husband... the front is open which gives more access for cleaning. Unfortunately, because he is short, it is too tall to place over our commode as I hoped. It also helps because you can put it in front of a bar or counter so they can hold on when they stand. I needed the open front because of my husband's inguinal hernia sometimes made it difficult to use regular toilet, unfortunately it does not have a splash guard so we also use a urinal in front. It is also good because he had gotten where he was not sitting down gently and I was concerned the plumbing may burst if he kept on sitting down so hard. Many open front seats still have a bar across the front and this one does not.

https://www.platinumhealthllc.com/products/ultracommode-voted-1-most-comfortable-bedside-commode-chair-soft-warm-padded-and-foldable-xl-seat-with-100-open-front-padded-pivoting-armrests-adjustable-height-free-commode-pail-blue

If I were buying one today, I would consider this one. I don't know if I knew they had it when I got ours or not.

https://www.platinumhealthllc.com/collections/bedside-commods/products/prevail-commode-shower-seat

When I hurt my knee and needed a bit more help getting off the toilet and standing until my knee was stable I turned a walker around and placed it backwards around the toilet. This gave me support to be able to stand up and be able to hold the walker for a bit until I steadied myself. In your mom's case maybe 2 walkers. 1 turned backwards and the other placed in front of her once she stands up.
Make sure the toilet is at the right height for her as well. A riser seat might help if she is taller, or an ADA height toilet.

As her decline progresses a Sit To Stand will help a lot. Just raise her up, pull down pants, remove soiled brief, clean and pull up the pants. The Sit to Stand can be brought into the bathroom so there is privacy.