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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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What do I do with a parent who hoards and won't stop picking skin? My parent refuses to get help and is very defiant/gets angry when the issues are addressed, competent otherwise. Living in my home.
There's a lot more than simple 'depression' going on for an elder to be hoarding and non-stop picking at her skin, refusing to get help, and acting defiant and angry when approached about the situation. You say she's 'competent' otherwise, which begs the question of what you consider 'competent'? She can be suffering from dementia or Alzheimer's, OCD disorder, and anxiety at the very least, which is what hoarding is a sign of: Mental illness. She is living in YOUR home, yet ruling the roost with all of this behavior she is 'refusing' to acknowledge or address. There is a problem here that YOU need to address, by getting her to the doctor for an accurate diagnosis, cognitive evaluation, and appropriate medication. Give her an ultimatum: either she complies with your request for that, or she moves OUT. You can find her an appropriate nursing home or Assisted Living Facility to reside at, and that's that. To give up your home and your life to her disorders is not acceptable, whether she's your mother or not.
Best of luck setting down the appropriate boundaries for mother to continue living in YOUR home.
"Dermatillomania is a disorder characterized by the repetitive picking of one's own skin. It has been reported by individuals with attention deficit disorder, hyperactivity disorder, depression, Parkinson's disease, stress and anxiety and Alzheimer's disease and dementia."
Even if the skin-picking was gotten under control, the hoarding won't stop because it's a mental disorder and requires therapy.
It's your home, so you get to set the boundaries -- but even so, don't expect an untreated hoarder to respect them... They're not just "pack rats" or messy, they aren't rational. You can't reason with them about it.
Consulting with a therapist who specializes in hoarding disorder woud help you make decisions and create appropriate boundaries.
Find her another place to live. She's not going to give up the hoarding voluntarily, and will eventually ruin your home. If her only health problem is depression (per your profile), there's no reason she should have to live with you. The majority of adults have depression to one degree or another.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Best of luck setting down the appropriate boundaries for mother to continue living in YOUR home.
"Dermatillomania is a disorder characterized by the repetitive picking of one's own skin. It has been reported by individuals with attention deficit disorder, hyperactivity disorder, depression, Parkinson's disease, stress and anxiety and Alzheimer's disease and dementia."
source: https://www.theadvocate.com/baton_rouge/entertainment_life/health_fitness/article_d3c5034c-91d2-11e8-bfd4-0f91075018f9.html
Even if the skin-picking was gotten under control, the hoarding won't stop because it's a mental disorder and requires therapy.
It's your home, so you get to set the boundaries -- but even so, don't expect an untreated hoarder to respect them... They're not just "pack rats" or messy, they aren't rational. You can't reason with them about it.
Consulting with a therapist who specializes in hoarding disorder woud help you make decisions and create appropriate boundaries.
Boot her out.