Horrible guilt over not being able to be with mom daily in hospital in another city.
While my mom has been doing well in ALC in town where we live, yesterday the center took her to local ER because she became disoriented and slurring her words. Local ER diagnosed possible heart attack and sepsis. Helicopter flight to a larger hospital in a city about 2 hours from home. They told me that she has septic shock and put her into the ICU. Wonderful hospital staff is keeping me apprised of status and a nurse even put my mom on her cell so I could talk to her. That was heart wrenching. Mom is hysterical and crying and nurse had to end call. I work full time and have a special needs son who needs my attention and who does not need to see his grandmother in this state. I am driving over to see mom later this afternoon, leaving work early, but I am overcome with guilt that I can’t just stay with her at the hospital. She is receiving expert care but with her age of 94 she may not survive this. Has anyone else gone through this gut wrenching situation? I guess I just need some supportive words.
(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
This was my fear for your Mom from the beginning. Like I told you, I lost my bro to sepsis, and he himself lost the love of his life who was only in his early 30s, a new professor after years of education, to sepsis from a ruptured bowel. Sepsis is just almost impossible.
You were prepared and you had WONDERFUL support and I am so very thankful for that, and I thank you so much for updating us about your sad loss.
My heart goes out to you. I truly wish you the best. I am so thankful you had support on this journey and could be there for your Mom.
"Just an update: this weekend was a roller coaster ride. Mom’s vitals improved and she was moved from ICU to a regular room on Friday. She seemed to be doing well until yesterday when she complained of not being able to breathe and then her heart rate went back up. She is accumulating fluid in her lungs and her hands and feet are swelling but the hospital is treating her for that. Right now it’s just wait and see how she responds."
Rose, I am so sorry to hear this. In sepsis this isn't a good sign because what you fight to do is get the infection hit with antibiotic-bombs while you keep heart rate down and blood pressure up. It is a huge battle for some when the antibiotics cannot wipe out the infection fast enough, or when the organs start to shut down before you can get the patient well. The heart and lungs are the most at risk. I hope that you know what your mom would wish in terms of heroic actions, because sounds, with the fluid, as if there is heart failure now, and the lungs will be involved soon/ or may be. I myself (am in my 80s) would not want a ventilator. I hope you are mom's MPOA and that you know what she would want in this battle, because sepsis is a total bear, and I am afraid they will perhaps soon come to you with wanting to know what heroic measures they should try to take. They may gently guide you in what they feel best options are, but if you are POA you may have to make these decisions.
I am so very sorry. This is, you are correct, a rollercoaster often, but when the organs fail it is sometimes almost impossible for the person to survive intact. I am so sorry. You are being well informed and I am so glad of that.
Thank you to everyone on this forum whose words and advice are so very much appreciated. Losing a loved one is a hard thing and each one of you has helped make this journey easier. God bless you all.
Sadly recovering from Septic Shock can be a long road.
🙏🏾 to she and you
((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
I'm sorry you are in this type of situation
I made regular trips, usually when a crisis hit, mom had numerous falls and broken bones. They were in assisted living at that point. It was awfully hard to rush down, check up on everything, manage the crisis and then go home. I would get exhausted, stressed out and had huge guilt trips.
I had to practice “Head Trumps Heart”. You have to be rational. My folks were not rational any longer, had no judgment or decision making abilities. I know if in their right minds they would never have wanted me to completely sacrifice my life to hang for weeks at a time in a rehab facility or hospital with mom.
I did the best I could given the hand were were dealt. Mom and Dad are gone now. I’m at peace with my decisions in their care.
My mom went into septic shock from a UTI at her nursing home. Along with IV antibiotics , the ER/ICU folks put her on a BiPap and it was touch and go for a while. But she survived. Take heart. (((Hugs)))
You can't fix it.
You are doing everything you can.
So guilt isn't appropriate.
Guilt requires that you both CAUSED something, AND that you did it with malice aforethought, and that you took JOY in your evil act, AND that you refuse to remedy it.
You are looking at helplessness, grief and worry.
THOSE YOU CAN OWN, but please don't let me hear you use the word guilt when it has nothing to do with this situation.
I am very sorry. My own brother died of sepsis. It is horrifically dangerous if the person is resistant to current antibiotics.
Happily most do have a good response to antibiotics currently available, and GLADLY your mother was airlifted to a good hospital emergently and will have the best minds working for her/working on her.
Be certain all are informed of her wishes and her advance directive if she has one.
I can't know if you have trusted family or friend to watch son. If so, this will be touch and go for a few days and you will want to be near her IF YOU ARE ABLE.
If you are NOT, then you are NOT.
I want to tell you as a retired RN that almost NO ONE ever remembers being in ICU when very ill. There is a kind of amnesia. She won't know if you are there or not, you cannot help, and she will be medicated. In some dire cases they actually put someone in what is called a "medically induced coma" in order to relieve anxiety because in sepsis all major organs, including and especially heart and lungs are under assault and the person needs not to be also anxious.
I am so sorry. Thinking of you. Hoping you will update us.
If there is funds for it.
Good luck, my heart goes out to you