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Hospital says not it's safe for dad to leave and could take months to place him. They are keeping my dad until they can find assisted living or memory care unit that 1.) He can afford 2.) That will accept him given he has now had 2 behavioral incidents at the hospital. Case management says it could take months, and he will be in the hospital until they can find him a space. We also will have no say on the location. They are not looking into financial assistance for 24-hour care at home and it is cost prohibitive for us to provide 24/7 care. I feel incredibly guilty for getting my dad in his worst nightmare, but he was having a bit of Suicidal Ideation, dementia and depression and calling 911 2-3 times per week. He would forget in 45 min that he even had the thought. Is is medically clear, but deemed a risk and harmful. I am just trying to grapple with the idea that 2 weeks ago when I thought I was getting help by having a psych eval and getting the hospital involved has led to the possibility of his family not being able to be near him. He also is so angry with me. While I know deep down it isn’t the real him; it hurts so badly.
Does anyone know how to look for facilities that would take on riskier dementia patients?

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I searched using your profile location, and alzheimers.net seems to be a useful resource. They list dementia care facilities with a summary of what they're qualified to handle. I guess you could do worse than ring round?

Besides the suicide ideation and calling 911 two or three times a week (which is nothing), what are the risks to himself and others?
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The Hospital and their Social Services are the best ones to know and I would throw myself upon the mercy of those in charge to tell them how important it is to your Dad's well being and yours as well to be able to see him as much as possible.
As to any feelings of guilt, let that g-word go at once. You didn't cause this and you can't fix it. Embrace the OTHER g-word which is grief. This is worth grieving. It is painful and sad to all involved. Not everything can be fixed. Sometimes things fall under "everyone's doing the best we can". I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you.
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I beleive that the hospital is "eating" this bill right now. However wherever he goes, he will fall under the same rules as Medicare. Except for the medical care the custodial care will be on his bill. So, yes he can exhaust all of his funds and be on Medicaid. You can ask the social worker about this question if it really bothers you.
Currently he is in a hospital which actually is probably taking better care of him than if he went to a facility. There is the possiblility that they will find a facility only to have them call 911 with behavior. I hope you realize that this is a long term process reguardless if he is still in a hospital or in a psychiatric facility.
Try not to feel guilty, it is his disease.
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Disregard: learning to use this site
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Sounds like Dad is where he needs to be right now & the hospital Social Worker is looking for longer term accommodation.

It is hard when the elder cannot understand their circumstances & blames family. *Old Age* is to blame really..

Have you sought counselling or called a help line or similar for some support for yourself during this change/crises time?
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Looks like the State has taken over his care. They are in charge. Did you state that you are not able to care for him. There is no such thing as 24/7 care at home if Medicaid is paying for it. Dad must not be able to pay for it.

If the hospital says there are no facilities then there aren't. Facilities keep in touch with hospitals about having empty beds. Dad is safe where he is until they find something for him. Medicare and his suplimental should be taking care of the bill. You are not responsible for payment in any way.
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mrsharper52210 Jan 2023
Thank you. I was told to call his insurance company if I wanted to know how long they would cover his stay. I’m concerned that he will have a huge bill when he leaves the hospital and eventually when he passes that bill will need to be paid out of whatever estate money is left. My mother would be left with very little.
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