I have been caring for dad ever since he was discharged from hospital back in December. He is no longer independent with his self care and has been totally dependent on me. I have come to realize he will not be same as before. He needs help with dress toilet and shower and it’s not hard on myself. What is hard for me is trying to control my anxiety of thinking what if he deteriorates and I no longer can care for him. I am depressed and feel sorry all the time that his days are only occupied by sleeping and eating. I feel so sad thinking about his state. I don’t know how to get rid of this feeling or be of more help. I just want him to have some qualify of life. I hope that he is ok with his state and not feel self pity. I am here 24/7 making sure all his needs are met and I don’t know what else to do to make him feel happier with life. I am constantly sad and worried.
It is not a "what if" he deteriorates but "how fast"
You can do a lot of things that can help you.
Hire caregivers. (Dad pays for them)
If he is eligible contact a couple of Hospice in your area ask for him to be evaluated.
With Hospice a Nurse will come 1 time a week to check on him and order medications. (medications will be delivered to you)
A CNA will come 2 or 3 times a week to give him a bath or shower and order supplies. you will get briefs,' gloves, barrier creams, and other supplies that you need. If / when you need equipment that will be ordered and delivered to you.
Your other option will be to look for Memory Care.
You are in a grieving process and it is normal to be sad, worried, angry and all the rest of the emotions that we have as humans.
And not to add more to your plate...if you have not consulted an Elder Care Attorney you might want to do that. make sure you have all the paperwork you need to legally make decisions for him. And the process if needed to apply for Medicaid.
If your dad is a Veteran contact the local Veterans Assistance Commission there may be benefits that your dad is entitled to.