My MIL lives with her son & his wife (who has emotional difficulties), has sporadic caustic conflicts w/DIL & DIL fights back. MIL in 90’s, refuses to see doctors, still walks her dog, does personal care for herself except cooking. Going for a visit soon. How can we help? Our main strategy will be to leave the home when conflict occurs
Why don’t you ask them what they need?
Perhaps they would like to have a break from caregiving and you can offer to stay with your elderly mother in law for awhile. They could go out for a nice dinner. This would give you a chance to see your mother in law’s behavior with your own eyes.
You might also bring up the possibility of hiring a caregiver to help out with your mother in law or suggest placement in a facility.
Be extremely grateful that you are not the one who is doing the caregiving. It would also be a nice gesture to thank the caregivers for caring for your mother in law and acknowledge that you realize that it is a tough job for them.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Your SIL should not be caring for a person with Dementia. Its too unpredictable. There are Meds for MILs rages. She also should not fight back. She leaves the room. She ignores because its the Dementia. Your BIL should be doing most the care. Aides should be hired using MILs money.
I think perhaps you are asking how you might survive this visit? If that is the case your idea is a good one. Be certain not to stay with this family, as that would be a tremendous burden in a disruptive household. And keep your visits short, leave when you feel you are adding to any dissension.
If your intention is to help the family you might ask whomever is in charge, by letter, what support you might lend them in so far as you are able to from out of town.
Do order in food, or bring it in and cook. Just simply try to keep further burden off the household in general.